How much longer in Separated?

[jon2911]

OK, calmed down a bit today. Hit the gym for several hours last night after work. I went between the pool, the steam room and the hot tub thinking and praying.

It struck me that the hardest thing about the funeral was seeing W hurting and not being able to help her. I also felt that God showed me her perspective, and how scared she must be right now.

Reading some threads yesterday I came across this MWD quote:

Hi Divorce Busters,

It has come to my attention that some people on this message board are strongly suggesting advice that runs counter to my Divorce Busting philosophy and practice- the notion of exposing a spouse's affair to family members. While this plan may be helpful to one couple, it would completely backfire in other marriages. I have worked with many couples where the betrayed spouse revealed all the information to friends and family with extremely detrimental outcomes. First, when the unfaithful spouse discovered this had happened, he or she decided to file for divorce and it became a final decision. Secondly, there are those situations where the couple began to heal from the infidelity and get their marriage back on track, but the family members undermined the couples' efforts and even "disowned" the betrayed spouse. This made life-long commitments after infidelity a very challenging outcome because few people like giving up their family and friends. So, while I do believe that betrayed spouses need support from loved ones when dealing with such a distressing situation, it is ESSENTIAL that the information about the affair be shared CAREFULLY and with full recognition about the possible risks. I always recommend that, if information is shared, the person with whom it is shared is marriage-friendly, even in the face of infidelity. Nonetheless, it's still important to recognize potential risks.

So true. Early in the sitch I found some e-mails by snooping on W that showed an EA at least. I forwarded them to myself and kept them. Then just before she moved back to Houston I sent an angry e-mail to FIL, saying things like "what are you going to do, hold her every night she has a headache like I did?" I also mentioned there were a lot of things he didn't know, like multiple affairs. Worst of all, I left my account open on her computer and she found all the stored e-mails and the one to FIL. She could tell I was storing up evidence if I needed to use it. Funny thing is FIL did the exact same thing during his divorce, he presented all the affair evidence to GFIL, and guess what? It didn't help. MWD is completely right on that.

I cared more about myself and being right than restoring our R. I've made that mistake many times.

Just a lot of emotions to process through, but I'm having a good day today. W called a couple hours ago while I was taking a nap. That's encouraging.

I have no idea when they're reading the will or deciding all the business stuff, but knowing that family it will be very quick and businesslike. Which is good. I'm looking forward to the Christmas parties, and can see the bigger picture better today.

What a week.