It's not over till it's over- part 2

[newmama]

Lost, you are right to be positive in front of your son. ANOTHER one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do, but you are so right- it will help your son in the long run.

I get it about not feeling right about giving your H the cold shoulder or hurting him-- I kept reminding myself "H CHOSE to do this. He must feel the consequences." I didn't act cold most of the time, but it was hard to suppress wanting to share what was going on with my life and family with him and asking about him. It was really hard to ask him to stop letting himself in and start ringing the doorbell. Also, it was hard telling him that I just wanted to exchange S in the entry way and not have him come inside. I don't remember the words I used but I do remember my therapist helping me with finding the words. (I bet it is on one of my threads--from the spring.)

As for your H acting short- again, I agree with Awest-- the guilt is causing this. My exSIL's H (who cheated on her, divorced her and now they are remarried) has confirmed that he was a jerk to her during that time because he was mad and ashamed that she was being nice to him while he was treating her so badly. BUT she felt good about acting the way she was comfortable with--being civil, being true to herself, reminding herself that love is patient and love is kind. Now she certainly blew up at him (and still does) but when she was being nice, he would respond in a jerk way!

I am sorry that you don't have family to spend Christmas DAY with. (((lost)))