I have to be in court for the Final Hearing on the divorce on Thursday, January 13, 2011 at 9:00am. So all, this is the day that H and I could be divorced.
Sanderika, I can't tell you how incensed I am that the government takes it upon itself to terminate a M, even though neither party has demonstrated a firm commitment to D. In my situation, we had one meeting with our Ls and the judge. I don't think the judge even read my response to H's petition. We'd met for about 5 minutes when the judge said "You've only been M'ed for 1 year (we'd been together for 5 years). This (finalizing the D) shouldn't take very long." My heart broke when I saw the judge's cold attitude. He didn't even ask if we'd ever gone to M counseling or tried to work things out. I don't see how dissolving marriages without even trying to reconcile them is a good thing for society.
In my state, Dr. Bill Doherty, a psychologist, has spearheaded an effort to provide an option for reconciliation to couples who have filed for D (http://www.drbilldoherty.org/cdtraining.php). In some of his writings he talks about the history of how American courts decided in the 1960s and 1970s that quick Ds led to less animosity after D. The legal profession led this movement. However, social research conducted over the past 40 or so years has shown that the high rate of D has led to a lot of unhappiness. On NBC's Today Show this morning there was a segment on how loneliness has become so pervasive in society and particularly among baby boomers. Splitting up homes is not the solution when problems can be worked out.
What I wanted to say to you Sanderika is that when the judge said this to H and me, WE decided to take back control over our situation and negotiate our decree ourselves, rather than to let some a$$hat (pardon my language) judge, who didn't know anything about us, make decisions about our lives. If you and H can come to some type of decision between yourselves before the court date, you will take control away from the court and back to both of you. This process ended up bonding H and me. Neither of us liked our Ls or the judge.
Originally Posted By: Sanderika
Odds are not in favor of reconciliation post divorce.
I would like to propose to you that you and H are not even close to the average couple that Ds. Your H still loves you and you love him. You have already proven that you are an unusual couple.
Your recent convo with H gave me hope.............. and possibly some insight into what my XH might be thinking. I thank you for this.
