Am I piecing? Just can't tell...

[MrBond]

"The other issue is that calm validating approach can also have the "superiority" issue, I talked about."

I disagree. Let's put it this way. Do you like getting yelled at? What if you were getting in an argument and your W said, "you know I see what you're getting at. Here's what I think.." What would make you want to listen to?

I think the more we tend to yell at each other, the higher the chance for emotions to get out of control and old unresolved issues start bubbling to the surface which have nothing to do with the problem at hand, and escalates the conflict.