Guess what people in HIGHLY successful marriages most of us would kill for - do yell and scream and argue. It's a fact of life. (read the 7 principles for making marriage work) But it's how you yell, argue and scream that also is telling.
The other issue is that calm validating approach can also have the "superiority" issue, I talked about. when you SO is going nutz and you calm and rationale you might look you are trying to 1-up them. Sometimes they want you to yell and scream too.
Obviously, when your marriage is in crisis, it's not the best time for this, but just FYI.
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
