I am a young man who has been married for 5 years and together 7 with a terrific woman. Our relationship was not what it could have been but I was good just knowing she was around, but we had our share of infidelity issues on her part and I could not let it go. About a month ago we were fine then my paranoia started to take hold again. Imp not working and at the time I was staying home with the kids and taking care of them and the house chores, all the while my wife was going to work in a law office where everyday she had to look beautiful. I mean she would wear dresses and suits and look stunning and I began to pester her "where are you, who did you have lunch with, why are you late, what were you doing, are you cheating on me". After a while she would simply stop responding to me altogether, and all that would do is make me talk more. it culminated in an argument where she commented that our youngest child doesn’t really resemble either of us and I quickly and callously commented "she may not be mine" needless to say it caused another argument that night where I called her out her name I believe twice. This behavior kept up for two weeks and culminated in an argument where I began as usual with harassing her and then I wouldn’t let her sleep. She tried to change sides of the bed and when she did I tickled her knowing that she hated to be tickled. She swung on me and I grabbed her arm and put it behind her back so could not strike me, later in that argument I threw something out of anger. I eventually relented and let her sleep and if I had left it at that, things would have been fine but the next day another argument happened. She asked if she could hang out with her cousin and I was fine with it, but she didn’t want to come home because she wanted to be away from me but I assured her that I wouldn’t bother her. When I said it I meant it but I ended up getting paranoid and going through her purse right in front of her and she lunged to get it from me and when she did I pushed her back onto the bed. That was it for her and she made her decision to move out then and a week later 2 days after thanksgiving she did. At first she said that she was going to sit back wait and watch me to see what happens but I couldn’t stop harassing her about how I need her, want her back, how I would change it all, or just to be near her or to hear her voice. She ended up filing for divorce telling me that she was much happier now that she didn’t live with me and had even begun talking to several different new men and possibly having sexual relations with them. At this moment I still try to contact her but she has no interest whatsoever in being around me or even talking to me for too long, I was served with the divorce papers and it destroyed me. It really feels as if she has nothing in her heart for me whatsoever. Today I saw her at an alteration shop and stopped in, she was very cordial but when the subject came about she said that she had no plans of coming back, her apathy and her indifference are what really kills me. But in the face of all this I cant seem to manage to let her go, we have shared 7 years of our life together good and bad. We have 2 beautiful children and the 3 of them are my world. Things weren’t always like this i just lost control of my sanity for a brief period of time, I didn’t beat her I just made a mistake and now I'm losing everything I ever cared about. I don’t know what to do, I get all kinds of advice but leaving her alone just seems too hard to do. It seems like every breath I take without her seems like a breath wasted, she is the love of my life and it seems like there is no love left for me when it comes to her. Imp lost, desperate, and in serious need of a Christmas miracle.
First off, I'm sorry that you find yourself here but you'll find no finer group of people who are willing to help you to get your marriage back on track.
Second. Break up your story into paragraphs. It's really hard to read.
Can you tell us more about the A she had? Did you go to C about it? It sounds like if you two were able to work on the A issue in a healthy manner before, you wouldn't be in this situation.
Post away.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I appologize, writing is not my strong suit. As for the affair, it was multiple. she ahd lived a sheltered life then i came and let her of the chains. She had a problem but after the last time we split she got it under control and there were no problems for 3 years. What happened was that i made a positive change in myself and forgave her for her past . . . i just didnt let it go, which i recently have in light of this new situation and my realization of her true importance to me.
I am a young man who has been married for 5 years and together 7 with a terrific woman. Our relationship was not what it could have been but I was good just knowing she was around, but we had our share of infidelity issues on her part and I could not let it go. About a month ago we were fine then my paranoia started to take hold again. Imp not working and at the time I was staying home with the kids and taking care of them and the house chores, all the while my wife was going to work in a law office where everyday she had to look beautiful. I mean she would wear dresses and suits and look stunning and I began to pester her "where are you, who did you have lunch with, why are you late, what were you doing, are you cheating on me". After a while she would simply stop responding to me altogether, and all that would do is make me talk more.
it culminated in an argument where she commented that our youngest child doesn’t really resemble either of us and I quickly and callously commented "she may not be mine" needless to say it caused another argument that night where I called her out her name I believe twice. This behavior kept up for two weeks and culminated in an argument where I began as usual with harassing her and then I wouldn’t let her sleep. She tried to change sides of the bed and when she did I tickled her knowing that she hated to be tickled. She swung on me and I grabbed her arm and put it behind her back so could not strike me, later in that argument I threw something out of anger. I eventually relented and let her sleep and if I had left it at that, things would have been fine but the next day another argument happened. She asked if she could hang out with her cousin and I was fine with it, but she didn’t want to come home because she wanted to be away from me but I assured her that I wouldn’t bother her. When I said it I meant it but I ended up getting paranoid and going through her purse right in front of her and she lunged to get it from me and when she did I pushed her back onto the bed.
That was it for her and she made her decision to move out then and a week later 2 days after thanksgiving she did. At first she said that she was going to sit back wait and watch me to see what happens but I couldn’t stop harassing her about how I need her, want her back, how I would change it all, or just to be near her or to hear her voice. She ended up filing for divorce telling me that she was much happier now that she didn’t live with me and had even begun talking to several different new men and possibly having sexual relations with them. At this moment I still try to contact her but she has no interest whatsoever in being around me or even talking to me for too long, I was served with the divorce papers and it destroyed me. It really feels as if she has nothing in her heart for me whatsoever.
Today I saw her at an alteration shop and stopped in, she was very cordial but when the subject came about she said that she had no plans of coming back, her apathy and her indifference are what really kills me. But in the face of all this I cant seem to manage to let her go, we have shared 7 years of our life together good and bad. We have 2 beautiful children and the 3 of them are my world. Things weren’t always like this i just lost control of my sanity for a brief period of time, I didn’t beat her I just made a mistake and now I'm losing everything I ever cared about. I don’t know what to do, I get all kinds of advice but leaving her alone just seems too hard to do. It seems like every breath I take without her seems like a breath wasted, she is the love of my life and it seems like there is no love left for me when it comes to her. Im lost, desperate, and in serious need of a Christmas miracle.
Is that better, i appologize for the first attempt. But yeah she had basically left because i was an all around ass because i didnt know how to properly deal with what she had done to me.
First of all breath... You are in for the fight of your life and it will not be an overnight fix.
Understand this... You both share 50% of the blame in getting to where you are but she does not want to hear that, nor does she want to hear you, talk to you, or see you..
You need to GAL and 180... And based on your post, a 180 is essential. You need to work on your anger. Go get some help.
The tickling, throwing, etc... These are things a child does so don't take this wrong but you need to grow up, FAST!
You are up against some stiff competition... She works in a law office with many successful, mature men... I don't say this to discourage you... I say this to wake you up!
Here is what I would do for 180...
1. Enroll in anger management classes (you may not think you need them but your do).
2. Get a job! The ultimate 180.
3. Leave her alone. Telling her you will change will not work. you need to show her.
4. GAL - Find new interests, friends, etc.
No miracle will bring her home, but hard work might... You have a chance today... If you don't change NOW, kiss it goodbye!
I am posting this as a 2x4...
Keep posting, reading and learn...
M: 42 - W: 41 - M: 18 - T: 23 - D:16 S:14 EA - July 2010 NC w/EA - Nov 2010 Piecing - Jan 2011 I ask for div - Jan 2012 Div papers filed - Mar 2012 I move out - July 2012 Divorce final - Nov 7, 2012
