I am a very traditional type person who just wanted a normal stable marriage...I thought that is what I signed up for but he did the bait and switch...I'm so confused!!!
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What a LONG strange trip it's been, huh?? Wish I could offer more, but I must say what has been said (probably) millions of times here (and will continue to be said)......it's not what we signed up for, but it's what we GOT! And you know I say WE because we are in this together, and think about this the same way.
I think that you have made a lot of progress and are a different person than when this started, but I also think that (like ME) you are still holding on to so much hope, that it is impossible for you to move on (correct me if I'm wrong ). We can say we are ready to move forward. We can say, and even act as if we've accepted what has been forced upon us - but deep down that "till death do us part" thing is part of us - it is part of WHO we are---not to mention we still love our H's. You have had the encouragement and the enforcement to fuel your hope, which makes it all that much harder----BUT it's far less than what you want, need or deserve.
No one can tell you what to do or what comes next - and you KNOW that. It's time once again to look within and focus on living for YOU. You know what you are living now is not a "normal stable marriage."
I so wish this was all SO much easier. You have the battle wounds to show how hard it is. I wish I could tell you to let him go completely and that by doing that and truly moving on he would some day return to you and want that marriage and realtionship that we dream of (what I still want for myself)......but I can't. All I can tell you is what I'm working on for myself - let go completely to save yourself.
I keep telling myself that my H and I were together for 25 years before all h@#$ broke loose. Am I supposed to completely give up after 5 years of h#$%? 6? 8? 10? I don't know. I do know I'm tired. I also know that I let go by very small pieces each day, but the hold on my heart is still there. That nagging bit of hope is still there. I wish I had the answers.......but I don't.
Be kind to yourself. Remember you have NO (absolutely NO) control on how he sees all of this. AND you probably don't even KNOW how he really sees all of this. Find your happiness. Celebrate you and your kids, and have a JOYOUS holiday season (that's what I'm planning for myself ).
Di
"Do not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around in awareness." - James Thurber
). We can say we are 