LRT and Christmas

[barbsing1]

So. Now - down to business. Any and all input appreciated.

H is definitely moving out after the first of the year (no specific date given). He shared that he can not afford an apartment but has found a room to rent from a friend of a friend. He said that it was better this way because if we did get back together, he would not be locked into a contract/lease. I continue to get mixed messages from him - the above being the perfect example. Says in one breath he has no hope and then says he doesn't want to get locked into a contract incase we reconcile.

I have been a DB flunky - this has been so difficult for me. What I have discovered is that try as I might, I am not someone who can hold my s**t together while my H is having an affair.

This past week, I have heard many of the typical lines most LBS's get "ILYBNILWYA" "If you had not done"X", I would have considered "Y" (staying, basically), "It's not about OW", etc.

I am scared of him leaving and am showing my fear via my words/actions. I need to buck up and get organized.

So my questions would be - how do I maintain my sanity and the peace in our home until he leaves? Anyone who has read my threads knows I am having a tough time letting go of physical touch - I wake up only to find myself spooning H, kissing him on the cheek when saying goodnight, etc.

What can I do to pique his interest/curiosity once he is gone? I know GAL for ME is key in all of this and I am more on track with this now.

Advice for projecting into the future? Part of me thinks he will regret leaving but I would love to just not think about this kind of thing anymore - how in the world do I know what he will and won't do/feel??

Thanks