How much longer in Separated?

[jon2911]

I was wondering what naughty word you used Michelle. LOL!

Nice to see you Drew, it's been a while.

My boss let me off for the funeral, but said it was unpaid. Bereavement at the company doesn't cover grandparents-in-law. So that was a downer but I still thought it was important to go. This didn't all get approved until Wednesday night. I went home and went straight to bed. Thought about texting W but she would be at the viewing and busy all night.

The weather warmed up to the 70's here, which is crazy for December. I decided to make my longest ride yet on the Harley. Seemed symbolic in a way and made me feel like a badass. My manager said "10 hours? That's crazy. No one likes riding that much." Made me want to do it even more. As I left at 6:00 AM a front had moved through Dallas. I could feel the wall a couple hours into the ride and after that it was fine. I was worried about the return trip but it had warmed up by then and everything was fine.

I stopped in Hunstville, halfway there at 9:00 AM and texted W "I want you to know I'm coming today. I'll just sit by myself if that's better".

I checked the church address on my iPad and it had a new route bypassing Houston on smaller highways. I tried it and really enjoyed it. I love the pines around there, reminds me of a camp I worked during college summers. Around 1:00 I got into town, stopped at a little park by the river and with some trepidation checked my phone.

Three texts from W:

"Are you already on the road?"
"I'd rather you not come, I'm sorry."
"I won't be able to see you"

I was trying hard to not have expectations, but knew this was a chance for W to either keep her family in the dark like she has been, or admit what's been going on. From comments they've made lately they have a good idea anyway.

I really thought about turning back. Facing them is hard enough, but knowing she didn't want me there. This made me realize how intimidated I am by them. Whether it's the money, or the way W always chose their side over me, I felt like this was a stand I needed to take. I stopped at a fast food place, took off my leathers, made sure the suit looked OK, and texted W:

"On bike, just got messages. I know you won't have any time. No pressure at all."

The parking lot was packed and I just wanted to make it inside without a receiving line of some sort. Fortunately it was just the pallbearers in the lobby, only one of whom knows me. After taking my seat I noticed FIL and his new wife sitting on the aisle up front. Interesting seat choice, seeing as he was the only one less welcome there than me. I thought about sitting with them but didn't want to sit there. SMIL noticed me at one point and whispered something to him. Except for him and W I hadn't seen any of them in 3 years.

The family proceeded in and no one noticed me. The service was beautiful and I was glad I went. He really was a great man. It got me when the pastor described how he started out as a football coach after the war, and kept that coaching perspective the rest of his life. He wanted to "not just see people succeed, but be fulfilled." I think that's true. His perspective clashed with mine at times, like he had no concept of a church of 4,000 people or what a worship pastor does. Still I was able to listen to him a lot better than FIL. I'm sad that all this happened and I missed out on it these last 3 years, so the service was some closure on that.

I was struck by a couple things. One is how old they're getting. FIL barely made it down the aisle after his hip replacements. The other is how small W's family is, W's grandparents had 3 daughters, and her Aunt who never had kids is the only one left. So it's W, her sister, and her brother. That's it. I think that's what makes them so close-knit. It also helps a lot with the inheritance I guess, would be spread many more ways in most families. Now it's just half to Aunt, the other half between the three siblings. I don't need to be so intimidated by these people. Yes, they have more money than I've ever seen, but that doesn't solve everything, even if they think it does. I need to remember that.

As the family left SIL noticed me. I was hoping there wouldn't be a receiving line at the end either, and fortunately there wasn't. The crowd milled around outside with the family loaded in the limos to go to the graveside. I stood where I could stay incognito but could see W through the window. She looked up at me and started crying, with a strange look on her face then made a little wave. I didn't see her cry the whole service. I made a little kiss motion and then walked off into the crowd.

I had breakfast with a friend this morning who said he would mention it to her, that it hurt that she didn't want me there, and didn't acknowledge me either. He said that's so childish, and it is. But that one moment showed all I needed to see. We talk a lot in recovery about keeping "the mask" on. I wondered if W would care more about keeping up false appearances than coming to me for comfort. It reminded me of several sections of the Horse Whisperer. I could see the battle going on inside her.

I would have talked to FIL but he was already in his car in line. I didn't go to the graveside. Texted W "that was beautiful. I'm heading out but I'll check my phone in case you need anything."

She responded later "I'm glad you were able to make it. Please be careful & let me know when you make it home". I texted "made it home, night night". Her response "Glad to hear it. Goodnight".

So formal. I hate it when she starts BSing again like this. Maybe it's not so bad, don't want to read too much into it.

W has made herself busy with all the prep and taking care of everyone, but sometime today or tomorrow SIL will fly back to New York, BIL and Aunt will go home, and she'll be alone. That must be terrifying.

The last funeral I went to there was MIL five years ago, almost to the day. We were newly married, and I didn't know how to comfort W. She didn't want to be. Everything was fine, she told me. She wants so badly to be OK on her own.

Now I know better. Both trips this week were somewhat against W's wishes, but I think they turned out well. Now time to give her some space and see what happens. There's still a set of daisies in her house I bought her last week. She says it's an actual plant that will keep growing. Good timing I think.