Thanks for posting everyone. From all I have read, I think I have already "detached" or "dropped the rope".
I am living my GAL and just waiting for W to either file for D or come to senses. Just waiting it out. My atty recommended that I not do anything until she files and serves.
Next "talk" I expect will be her wanting to go cheap and use the same atty to which I will remind her that I do not want the D and if she want's it, she must file. I have the most bad ass D lawyer in town lined up.
She knows legal costs will exhaust all our meager savings, so that will ruin any silver lining to the outcome. She also knows that I intend to tell all D is her choice and not mine, which does not sit well with her, but it's the truth.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
I am in the same predicament, but i have not seen a lawyer, not sure she has but i do not think so. Issue i am really having is she has viewing access to my bank account. She is logging in every evening like at 1am which tells me she isnt sleeping very well. But if she says it is over, then why checking up on what i am spending my money on. Last time we seperated she was doing the same thing, i changed the password and she said it was just a way to control her. She doesnt do anything malicious just checking, i dont really want to tick her off. any ideas?
M - 42 W - 41 Married 9 years July 24, 2010 WAW moved out 8-9-10 2nd Marriage for Both S 2 SS 13 from W first Marriage
It is your account right, not hers? She doesn't contribute to it? If she has the password, she can do far more than just look at it.
Your wife was upset and based upon the last time will likely be upset if you change the password, because it is controlling? It is NOT controlling, you did it or you're doing it because you don't trust her.
It is a matter of trust not control, and right now, is she worthy of trust? Is she seeking to be trustworthy?
If no, then you have your answer.
Will it upset her? Well, she'll get upset, her choice.
It will be something she'll have to get over, and you're going to hear about it. It will be an issue when you guys talk.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
It is your account right, not hers? She doesn't contribute to it? Correct If she has the password, she can do far more than just look at it. I do not think so but possibly.
Your wife was upset and based upon the last time will likely be upset if you change the password, because it is controlling? It is NOT controlling, you did it or you're doing it because you don't trust her. I have never not trusted her except that she has left breaking our vows of being together in good times and bad.
It is a matter of trust not control, and right now, is she worthy of trust? Is she seeking to be trustworthy? Not sure of any of her intentions. But you are right i dont think she is doing it to seek my trust.
If no, then you have your answer.
Will it upset her? Well, she'll get upset, her choice.
It will be something she'll have to get over, and you're going to hear about it. It will be an issue when you guys talk. Possibly but we only talke about the baby right now and thats about it.
M - 42 W - 41 Married 9 years July 24, 2010 WAW moved out 8-9-10 2nd Marriage for Both S 2 SS 13 from W first Marriage
So this is the big weekend. I've spoken to a paralegal who works for the most expensive lawyer in town. (Couldn't afford the lawyer) He could not give me "advice" per se, but hepled with interesting info.
I'm in a no fault 50/50 split state so there's no "grounds" to speak of, which minimizes W's affair. That said, I cannot do anything that can be construed as "firing the first shot" like taking money out of our joint savings and putting it a private account, or packing all her stuff in boxes etc. etc. These kinds of things would only hurt my defense that I do not want to end the marriage. They could easily be twisted and used against me in D court.
Basically, I act like I'm married. That makes sense, but also looks a bit like being a "doormat". Still I gotta do what's best for moi and kids. I have noticed that W has beeing trying to "provoke me". I don't know whether or not she's being advised (smells like) but the things she says and does seem aimed at getting me to fire a shot. So I've got to keep my cool.
I am amazed at how quickly things have detoriated.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
No, I don't feel like a doormat. I'm divorcebusting. From what I have been reading, I would judge my WAW to be in a MLC. She displays some of the characteristics. This of course is bad news, because there's no telling how long it will last. Half way through it all there just might be a D. Just don't know. Can't believe a word she says or does. I could get served next month or next year or not at all. That's the difficult part, patience and uncertainty and in between a lot of hurtfulness.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Starting to really feel the anguish. Can't stop thinking about W in the sack w/OM Trying to keep occupied, cleaning house, laundry, anything. Need you guys to pray for me - now!!
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
