Fix me, fix my life, win back my wife

[ScaredinCanada]

I'm feeling really sad, depressed, emotional, listless, worthless, hopeless...on top of it I've picked up a cold or the flu and have been physically feeling horrible today.

The thoughts of my children being raised by another man, us no longer going on family vacations, not living with my children and the fear that they will forget about me, or that they will grow up to resent me or be negatively effected if we seperate.

My youngest is only 2, and I know that myself I don't really have memories of my child-hood until I was about 5...

I miss my W, and I'm struggle so much to live with her as room-mates and not breakdown daily. Her stance has not changed in over a month - she doesn't love me. She is "planning" to live without me - without anyone she says.

I don't want to be another statistic - I want to be a full an complete family.

I have another counselling appointment on Tuesday, which I doubt I'll even tell my W. She likely won't even consider counselling for another month.

I'm slowly dieing inside, my heart breaks and the constant reminders or of our life together is so hard to avoid thinking about losing everything.

Like I said before, my W is a very stubborn person so I don't have a lot of confidence that she'll change her position regardless of anything that comes out of counselling - I think she's made up her mind and she sticking too it regardless.

I just cannot believe that this woman who I love with all my heart has broken it twice. I feel like I don't even know her anymore, the only way she communicates with me now is by rolling her eyes at me.

I really hope I can turn this around...

I'm starting to wonder if should suggest a trial seperation? Not that this will help me deal with my emotions or grief, but at least if I breakdown my W or kids won't be around to see it.