Upside sorry you are still dealing with all of this. You will decide when enough is enough. I know for me that day finally came. I felt freedom and was actually looking forward to my new life and didn't really think about my h much anymore.
It was at that time too, I told my h that my life was moving in another direction. Now, I did not ask him to come home at that time I just let him know what I was going to be doing and that our current R or whatever it was we were doing was done.
Well, about 45 days later he waltzed in the door and has been home since. Now I am not saying for you to take my advice, only saying that you will know what you want or are willing to tolerate. I just knew for me I wanted and expected more and really had to move on for myself.
I hope you can sort through all of this and find some peace with your situation.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"