What WS says is true. We see strengths in you that you do not. I also see the continued need to shield H from bad publicity. That is not your job anymore. It's not your bad. He deals it, he takes the rap.
Backsliding; don't woriabotit. From your signature, I was a full three months ahead of you in the separation department. Go back and read my threads 3 months ago. I wasn't nearly as calm or detached as I am now. I was all over the place like a pinball. There are good days and bad days. Lately, mine have just been much more good than bad. You will also get to that point. Promise.
Finally, back to Warrior Shadow's wise words, would you really want to live with your H in the condition he is in now. Keeping his distance from you is almost a kindness in that it protects you from much of the shizbot he is going through.
Hey WS, I wonder if my H thinks my lawyer is an asshat? He has certainly learned his is. LOL
ME: 54 Him: 51 M: 20 years T: 21 years OW/New wife: 36 Sons & Daughters: 7 (ages 24-36) Bomb: March 4, 2010 He Filed: April 28, 2010 I Contested: May 1, 2010 Standing Down: 11/24/10 Divorced : 05/04/2011
Thanks Punkin - I'm glad you are on a good road - I hope to make it there soon!
So looking forward to 2011. Really want to get the filth of 2010 off of me. I can remember turning 40 and really looking forward to what my 40s would be like - kids getting older / H and I having more freedom. Didn't happen for me.....my 40s have been the most heartbreaking and challenging time of my life. Maybe it's preparing me to appreciate my 50s even more!! God has a plan!
Thanks again - have a great day
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
IB holidays were probably the worst times for me. Afterall, it's suppose to be a time of family, friends, and celebrations.
Don't beat yourself up too bad, these are difficult times. I remember last Christmas was the first in 3 years that I finally felt good. I even worked out and then decked myself out with boots, sweater dress and fuzzy hat and met friends for coffee. I felt like I was finally alive rather than dreading the holidays from the past. I had finally accepted my life was different and I was moving ahead alone.
Life does move on whether we like it or not. Try to continue to embrace what you have and not what you don't have. If I could have plowed ahead rather than spent so much time being depressed and sad I would have been so much better off for myself and my kids.
Maybe you can make some new traditions this year and try NOT to focus on your h. Believe me, I know how hard this is for you.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Thanks GG - good days and bad days. I am blessed in so many ways - I just miss my marriage. I look forward to the next few days - family and friends surrounding me. Much needed! Enjoy your holiday!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
IB, I have been thinking about you and wishing I could think of something to say as you may not realize but you and this board have helped me so much. I did receive the papers and it sort of changed me a little. I am sure I will go down a few more times before I am able to keep myself up for good but right now I cant say I am happy, but I am ok and can see happy. I miss my marriage too but my h is not my h, as many times as I have been told to detach and let him go, I think it is sinking in. I dont want this person who is walking around talking and looking like my sweet, loving husband. This guy is an ass and I would not have given him a second look. This new perspective has helped so much, to see him as someone else. I love my husband and do hope he remembers who he is someday and I can forgive him but today, no. I deserve someone who treats me with respect and love as he used to, and so do you. I cant count on him so I have to do it for myself. I am making new traditions with my kids and doing things my way instead of our old way. Kinda fun to experiment and bring back traditions my mom used to do with us that I had let go of.
I hope I did not hijack your thread, I just am in a good place today and hope you will find yours again soon. Enjoy what you can, they have stolen enough of our year from us and we deserve to send 2010 out on our terms.
best wishes. mlw
Me 38 H 39 T 22years M 15years DS 14, DS 12, DD 6 Bomb 3/2010 h's 39th bday "Temporarily" Separated 6/7/10 H EA cant let myself believe anything more. H files 10/10
MLW - You definitely did not hijack - your perspective is very welcomed. I hope to pull myself up and get some holiday spirit. I could describe my H the same way you did - I think I am still swimming in denial. Thanks so much! IB
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
Wise words from MLW! We have choices as to how much we will let the MLCer take from us.
Sweetie, I don't think you're in denial. What you're trying to do is process all that has happened to you. You've been hit by an avalanche and you're slowly digging your way out. With each shovel full cleared progress is made. I know that it is a slow go at times but you will get there!
Just looking back to where you started, you are doing amazingly well!
I know exactly how you feel. In many ways, I've wondered at my resistance to change in our Relationship, as a determination to have all that we planned for in our retirement, come hell or high water. I feel cheated. And that makes me angry. It's going on a year now, and I still feel H bailed on both of us, but the anger has receded a bit.
I've come to accept that I have to leave it to God. Things will work out as they are supposed to. And I'll make the best of it.
Yes! There will be new challenges and new happiness and inevitable change! We will rise to the occasion, and hopefully be able to look back at this period in our lives, win,lose or draw, with few regrets. Here's to Happy Fifties!
Wow - the end of a crazy day. Financial verification due to H's attorney / holiday festivities at work / feeding a family of a sick friend. Finally home, dinner with son - just hanging.
H continues with limited contact with kids. He's bought himself new furniture and is apparently spending a lot of time with the bartender (he didn't think he would fall so fast).
Regardless of what happens - I am committed to not bring another person into my s's life until he graduates from high school. It is what I believe the right thing to do.
Moving forward
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
