I am sorry that you are hurting so darn much. Sometimes when we put someone on a pedestal, when we make them our whole lives, it is just a bitter pill to swallow when we find they are just humans and not infallible. Perhaps that's part of it, you haven't been able to come to grips with that. May I ask you what do you do to help yourself deal with these feelings?
On another note, congrats on the A in medical terminology. I took that a long long time ago, and I loved it.
