Yeah, to be honest at this point most of my sadness comes from the guilt that I feel because I have gotten so much out of this and it was all off of her suffering. I think that this has pretty much been a religious experience for me. I have considered myself agnostic since high school but (and this might sound nutty) when she told me that our marriage was over I was completely humbled. As the lexapro started to take affect and I deconstructed myself in a way that I never have before I started to realize that a huge part of our problem was the way that my anxiety was affecting our lives. As the symptoms of the anxiety were relieved by the medication it felt like a demon was gone from my body. Like evil had been keeping me from loving her. Then it dawned on me that God is love and evil would be trying to keep me from experiencing that. I have never felt this close to understanding God but it all makes sense to me now in a way that I really can't explain. I literally feel like there is a light inside me and it kind of freaks me out to admit it lol.
At least I have facebook so she can see my updates and pics. That's about the only way I have of showing her that I am in such a good place right now.
Man, I this stuff about being agnostic and having a complete turn about once your wife leaves you could have been written by me! I'm going through a very similar issue so my heart goes out to you. I hope that things work out.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
