Been thinking about this a little more. It's almost becoming funny now (well, I guess in a non funny way). He apologized alot for not picking up S, but it doesn't change the fact that he let down S again! I hope this DUI can serve as a wake up call and he can learn from it. However, I think I am thinking too much of H. He's already called a lawyer friend to get him out of it, but I hope he has to go thru the whole thing - the fine, no license (they already kept his license, so now he's driving w/o one today), AA meeting, community service, etc. Haha, I can only imagine H doing commmunity service. It's exactly what he needs to get his ego back down to earth. But he needs to be responsible for his own actions. It's funny, I told him something that I should be telling myself (regarding the girl he drove home and how he got screwed for helping her). I told him that she was not his problem. She needed to be responsible for her own actions. If she wanted to go out and drink, she should have planned a way to get home (& not try to endanger others by trying to drive herself). He can't save others from themselves, and the same thing is true for me.
He's just such an angry person. He acts like the whole world is against him & he's the victim. He's angry about the circumstances he has to deal with (his stupid uncles impeding his success at work, me hurting him - yes, he even threw that in there, his R with his father, etc), but we all have difficult circumstances (does he think I like being a single mom?) and just have to learn to deal with it in a healthy way. He can't or is unable to do that. When I originally asked him "well, what happens now?" (regarding the DUI), he jumped to well i guess we D b/c it's going to be just like last time when I left him "b/c of the drunk in public" (which in reality was only the final straw). And how he can't stand my family, and doesnn't like church, so we better just D. I didn't really respond to that and just kind of changed the subject. I wasn't going to let him go down that road with me again. I think he just wanted a response out of me. So, I don't know. I don't know what to do with him (regarding our R). So much of me just wants to move on past him and all of his stupid drama. He's an unreliable father and self-fish husband. Why is it so hard for him to imagine just being happy being home with S and I. Why the need to always go out with his friends in the first place?
One more thing. I was already feeling really hurt yesterday (and yes, shed a few tears b/c it hurt my heart), but he had invited me over for lunch yesterday. During our lunch, I mentioned how my cousin was coming down next week and bringing her new fiancee. I told him to keep an open mind about him (he's pretty nerdy), b/c my cousin & I our super close and that R is important to me. H says, why should i care. My response is that he should care b/c she's important to me and I'm important to him. The response...a quiet, blank stare. I said, fine, well S is important to him, which he quickly agreed. He was trying to play it off like he was joking, but I don't know how much of that was the truth and hit hard. I just don't understand then - why even invite me to lunch if I'm "not important" to him.
Blah, so definitely not the way to get into the holiday spirit. Feeling pretty down... =/
Me 27; H 28; S 2 Togeth 9; M 4 Sep 11/14/08 EA OW1 Sep 08 EA OW2 Mar 09 EA OW3 Jun 10
