The superior thing isn't really about you telling W anything. It's more about thoughts that you have and it might explain some of the anger you have towards your wife. And I've seen some anger in your posts. I'm sure a lot of DBers (I include myself) have had this thought- "Why am I doing all the work and he/she is doing nothing, yet he/she is the one that caused this?" - that comes from superior thinking. Like I'm mad because SO isn't doing what I am doing and what they are doing is not enough. Subconsciously, that translates to I'm better because I'm working on me and willing to work on the M while My SO isn't. & I deserve someone better because I'm a better person, etc.
Ultimately, you know how you actually feel, not some guy on a message board. It was hard for me to hear, but ultimately I agreed with my IC on this. It was a huge step for me and help me get past some of my anger towards my wife. My W and I are just different people - no more no less. I suspect the same is true with you.
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
