This makes sense to me, but how will I know the difference between an "all-out-assault" and a test?
Good question. Fortunately, the answer is pretty straight forward. Assume everything is a test at this point. In the end, as long as you have protected your assets, there is no functional difference between an all out assault and a test in your current situation. Either way you validate her feelings, agree with her where you can, don't argue with her if you can't agree, respect her point of view, respect your own boundaries and gently but firmly refuse to tolerate CB.
If it turns out her attack was part of a calculated strategy, while that might effect the ultimate outcome, as long as you have 'done the right thing', you won't regret anything you did in retrospect.
