I agree, you do have it in you, you just don't believe in yourself yet. And your S, like mine went through a depression when he first found out about H. I did all I could, including counseling to help him and to let him know that he was loved no matter what. He saw how hard I tried with H to be nice to him even when H was being a butt to me. S told me one day he has so much respect for me for the way I handled it all. I had to go away by myself and cry when he told me that. It showed me that it was all worth it when a kid who was only 13 at the time noticed that my behavior was helping matters, helping H to see that I was not the enemy. Please know the people here who comment on your situation want the best for you, and don't like to see you stay in a place of anger and resentment, and would like to see you move forward. Not forward to D, but forward to a better you, and allowing your H to see that better you.
