Fix me, fix my life, win back my wife

[ScaredinCanada]

Hey SbH,

At times I feel like things are going better and she's noticing and other times I feel like nothing has changed.

On the weekend my W got a cheque from the governemnt (they are returning some of "new tax" that they were charging everyone, based on your household income) and my W was all excited because it was extra money that she hadn't planned for.

So I just said I thought it would be a good idea if she put the money on the credit card or on the credit line. She didn't seem interested in that, which triggered a converstion about money.

I told her that I'd been thinking and was worried about the financial sitch should we end up seperating. I looked into child-support and alamoney payments and it basically would mean I'd be paying 65-70% of my take home income to my W each month. This hurt a lot. It would mean that I would not be able to afford my own place - I'd have to rent.

So my W (in such a business like manner - no emotion at all) says that she in't looking to hurt me, that this is something she has decided to do - so she isn't looking to take out on me. That she is a hard worker, and she can do it on her own. I kind of expected this response from her, but I was still worried regardless.

She said she'd simply want enough money to take care of the kids and wouldn't expect any sort of alamoney or any of my pension. I told her that really didn't want to talk about it, that I was ready to seriously discuss it.

She was getting ready for work and just told her, it seems like things will be so much more difficult - and said that she says I'm a good person, but she doesn't seem interested in trying to work it out. I told her it makes me feel worthless. There is just so much about the sitch that she doesn't appear to be thinking about. She was telling me stuff, like she wants me to be happy - to meet someone else and have a good life?!?!?

She still hasn't booked an IC even though I gave her the number probably 2 weeks ago. She keeps making excuses not to book, and now she said she wants to wait until after the holidays.

Christmas appears to be worked out. W is going to take the kids to chruch on Christmas eve (we don't goto church), and I am going to my brothers house. We are going to spend the day with W's family for dinner at our place on Christmas day. My W is working Boxing Day, so I'll be taking the kids to my parents house. I'm glad everything's planned out, but there are still a lot of things I'm not looking forward too.

I haven't talked to my parents in a few weeks now, so I am now nervous to talk to them again. My W keeps making mention that she has received an appology from my Mom, and she hasn't tried to do anything to make amends.

I finally got my copy of DR yesterday, which I am going to try and read on the nights my W is working.

It was my dog's birthday so I took him for a 2 hour walk in the snow - next to water, snow is his favorite thing!

I decided to just lurk a bit and read posts, I felt like I was posting too much. I was also somewhat embarrassed because I was being good, but always struggle on the weekends and usually make mistakes.

Anyways, thanks for asking.