Positively moving forward

[awest1217]

This morning I got a revelation that really proved to me how far I have come. I don't care anymore about the "truth". I don't care to know exactly when H and OW started their A. I don't care about what all actually happened. It doesn't matter anymore. A month ago I was still caught up with all of that information, but now it doesn't matter. It feels really freeing. I think this is why I am able to have a different outlook and am ready for a new R (nothing major, but ready to look) because the past is the past and I don't care to dwell on all the little details.

NOw don't get me wrong, I understand that I will still have emotional times and still have my down days, but I really feel this is a major turning point. I don't think tomorrow will be as hard as because I have had many "anniversaries" like my dad's death or my grandpa's, but I am not always sad on that day. It is whenever something reminds me of them that I get sad. I think it will be the same with tomorrow. I am feeling good right now, but who knows what may happen tomorrow to make me sad. I do know I was always looking forward to this anniversary because I knew it landed on a Friday where H and I could actually go out of town on our anniversary for an extended vacation because it is the last day of school for break, but oh well. Ce La Vie!

H has been texting me everyday to check in on S. We will see how long this lasts. I think he is just doing it because I said how he isn't involved enough to have joint legal custody. It will probably last a week or even a month, but once the D is over it will be the end of that. I did let H know that S has been mouthy...terrible 3's...and probably pressing his boundaries again. I have had S is time out or spanked him more in the past week than I have in the past month. I am know he is just retesting his boundaries, but I will stand firm. It helps that my step-dad says how patient and great I am with S, and that my MIL when she e-mailed me back said that I am doing a great job raising S. It is great to know that she notices that I am the one raising him.

I also let H know that S has been asking about why people stay married a lot lately. It is always random like when we are on the way home from somewhere. I feel bad because I think S is starting to realize that many of his friends parents are always together and he doesn't get to have that. S is still very happy, but he does ask occasionally so I want to make sure H is aware.

Two more days of work. Today is our Christmas carry-in and tomorrow is testing all day. I know I am mean, but it is the best way to keep the kids calm, but still be productive. Plus then they don't have any homework over break.