And dbmod, I am all for Punchy making his marriage work. And I pray that he will. I like many believe that if OM is in the picture it affects the LBS health and that is not good.
My advice is meant for people to regain self-respect through boundaries. And one boundary in a marriage that should be non-negotiable is you can't date/ML with other people.
Call me old fashioned...
M: 42 - W: 41 - M: 18 - T: 23 - D:16 S:14 EA - July 2010 NC w/EA - Nov 2010 Piecing - Jan 2011 I ask for div - Jan 2012 Div papers filed - Mar 2012 I move out - July 2012 Divorce final - Nov 7, 2012
Given that my wife has been involved with the OM for over a year I feel that I did need to confront her about as suggested by SBH. I did take a much softer approach in that I did not giver an ultimatum. I indicated that she needed to figure out what she wants to do because she can't continue to live half in and half out of our marriage. I told her that I would support and work with her through what ever option she chose. No anger or threats.
She is going to meet some of girlfriends tomorrow night for a Christmas dinner. I am sure that she is going to ask them for their advice. This concerns me because by only hearing one side of the story they will most likely push her down the path of Divorce.
Punchy, I believe you gained respect from your W and a measure of self-respect for yourself. Do you feel any better?
At this point, if she does not decide what will YOU do?
You have told her it can't continue and I'm sure she agreed.
If she chooses OM, isn't that better then another year or two or three of pain, uncertainty, and limbo?
She DOES need to decide at some point...
I guess you can do nothing from here and let her continue to eat cake. Or you can set a boundary that clearly states what you will and will not tolerate in your M. You don't have to be harsh but I believe you have to be decisive.
I think it was a step in the right direction but would love to hear from Sandi2...
M: 42 - W: 41 - M: 18 - T: 23 - D:16 S:14 EA - July 2010 NC w/EA - Nov 2010 Piecing - Jan 2011 I ask for div - Jan 2012 Div papers filed - Mar 2012 I move out - July 2012 Divorce final - Nov 7, 2012
I feel that I did gain back a lot of self respect. Suspecting that there was another man standing between my wife and I for over a year was a painful process. Having confirmed and then not done anything about it would have been intolerable.
Anything is better than continuing on in a state of limbo. If she doesn't make a decision by early in the New Year, then I am going to have to revisit the issue. She knows that the current situation can't continue, but she is having a hard time dealing with the consequences if she chooses to leave. My gut tells me that after meeting with her friends she is going to want the divorce option as they are going to convince her that she deserves to be happy and that will only happen if she chooses the OM. They will also tell her that the kids will adjust to the new relationship.
Divorce is still better than what I face now on a day to day basis. At least with the Divorce I will have an opportunity to find a new love. In the interim, I continue to be upbeat and supportive to my wife. I have not given her any new rationale over the last year to want a divorce and am a much better person then the one she had to deal with previously.
