I would think that your H already knows S is sad because of the situation. When you text him like you did, you are trying to put a guilt trip on him, and we know that doesn't help matters. Try to text H about a pleasant subject, give him a reason not to dread contact. Stop showing your bitter side to him. My H never knew our S knew about ow. I have never told him. Their relationship has improved so much. Why not ask your H to help recommend a gift for S for Christmas. Is it even possible for you to let go of your resentment and anger long enough to do this?
today was not good my son is depressed again and i text h and said son didnt go to school because he is heart broken for what h is doing. I know i shouldnt have text him but i get very sad when son hurts. i found out after i did that h is looking to buy ow a used car and they are buying more furniture. i think they r going to fl. together soon this is very sad. i was suppose to go to support group tonite but i didnt want to leave my son alone. I was close to mil but sometimes we didnt agree on things. I use to drive them to dr and to the grocery store every week when fil couldnt drive any more. My mil was very instrumental in us restoring our m last time but we arent speaking now unfortunately. i sent her flowers 2 mos ago when she was in hospital for pneumonia.
rys-
I'm so sorry this is hurting you so much. Of course you know texting yoruH in that manner pushes him further away. Do you think that your H not being home for Christmas is the full reason your son is depressed? Are there other things going on for him? Do you think your sadness weighs in on him?
I think you did the right thing staying with him when he's depressed. It may help him even more if you can heal a little more yourself. You show the way. He doesn't have the coping skills yet that you hav, and while you may not think you have it in you right now--I believe you really do. You've been here a long time, and you've helped others as well. It would be a wonderful christmas gift for your son.
I agree, you do have it in you, you just don't believe in yourself yet. And your S, like mine went through a depression when he first found out about H. I did all I could, including counseling to help him and to let him know that he was loved no matter what. He saw how hard I tried with H to be nice to him even when H was being a butt to me. S told me one day he has so much respect for me for the way I handled it all. I had to go away by myself and cry when he told me that. It showed me that it was all worth it when a kid who was only 13 at the time noticed that my behavior was helping matters, helping H to see that I was not the enemy. Please know the people here who comment on your situation want the best for you, and don't like to see you stay in a place of anger and resentment, and would like to see you move forward. Not forward to D, but forward to a better you, and allowing your H to see that better you.
about 2 mos ago my lawyer went d papers to h with out me oking it. i told h they were sent without me oking it and i was going to cancel it. I didnt go back to lawyer to sign paper yet and we received a letter from the court yesterday that we have to take son to parent classes at the court house. I think that is why h was angry yesterday. i think i should go to lawyer today i just cant handle dealing with this stuff and was trying to avoid it. I have to find a psychologist im not dong good with this holiday season.
