Am I piecing? Just can't tell...

[Sad_but_happy]

Thanks Sandi2, I do kinda understand...

You see, I drove her away. Not because I didn't love her, but because she is sooo difficult to live with. I am a happy-go-lucky guy and she is rigid and strict. There was a time, not so long ago, that hearing her say that she wanted "out" would have been music to my ears. I have options too. Quite a few. And I will admit that I really wanted to explore them. I didn't but I really wanted too.

I would tell her for years that all I wanted was to enjoy her, be happy, ML, laugh every day and relax. Those are things she finds hard (not the ML). So I admit that I wanted out. And when OM came into her life, she saw options. I get it and I hold 50% of the blame.

That does not provide an excuese for her but I see how from an animal/human stand-point it can happen. She was lonely and I was not there.

When I took OM away or made her choose, she didn't want to go back to not having options, in essence, not having control. She felt alive and wanted. So I understand her anger.

I will tell you that in the last 3 weeks the following progression has taken place:

*Her hanging onto the edge of the bed to meeting in the middle

*From no hug to hugging almost everytime we see each other

*From no kissing to kissing on the cheek

*And tonight we hit the side of our mouths with a kiss


I never talk about our relationship. I just act strong and live like everything is fine. Never pressure her. Help her every day (not because I'm afraid she will leave but because I truly feel its the right thing to do).

I have learned to love and focus on the good things about her and that provides me with hope the I can live with HER forever. Yes, this is a two way street and WAS's really need to know that. As soon as the LBS becomes indifferent it's too late.

That's why I say that this is a dangerous game. The clock ticks for both people.


As far as saying ILY I feel that it adds to the WAS guilt so they block out their feelings. I really don't believe you can actually stop loving someone after a long relationship but you can feel as if you don't love them. I believe it's part of the fog. Part of the utopia they see once they are "free" of their S. But that utopia is a fantasy. It's left many people, many families destroyed!


Thx for checking in Sandi... Love hearing from you...

((Sandi2))