In any event, we resolved the dog custody (which has given her an excuse to visit) and asked that she stop coming by and stop calling me all the time. I wasn't mean about it. I just told her the truth: it's too much false hope for me. I have been reading a book on detachment and realized that the sitch wasn't good for me. I can't heal if the wound is reopened every weekend.
A very GOOD Boundary Sinclair. It's all about YOU. You have showed her changes that make her question HER decisions. SHE will respect you for this in time. It shows you love her enough to set her free and that YOU LOVE YOU enough NOT to put up with an open marriage. In the end she has OM to run to, but you only have you and your mirror that you look in every day.
Originally Posted By: sinclair
She also told me that she was mad at me for becoming such a nice guy; that I'm not making things easy for her.
So it's done. Either she gets lonely for her husband/friend enough to give up OM or It's over between us. I'm not expecting any changes since this isn't the first time we have had this conversation. The only difference, this time, there are consequences.
Not in a disrespectful way Sinclair, but GOOD! Now BACK off. She will test this in ways you can't even imagine. Go DARK/DIM/NO CONTACT. Back away. Drop the rope and let the whole burden of her actions fall upon her shoulders and LET HER make the choice she needs to make.
She has seen you in a good light. You clearly have showed her love and that as much as you love her, you can't be with her unless she commits to working on your marriage.
Impressive. It hurts like hell. It really does, but in the end you stood up for yourself and THAT is ATTRACTIVE. Now the tough part will be YOU NOT backsliding. Don't answer the phone, don't be there for her, don't do anything that makes her think that YOUR feelings are wishy washy. Be a man and LEAD her by enforcing that boundary. IF SHE wants to be with YOU she will pull an all out assault to be WITH you. Until then everything will be a test.
