I can do this...

[irishblessings]

Tonight took S and his girlfriend, oldest D and her boyfriend out to dinner to celebrate S's 17th birthday. Another bittersweet night. But we laughed and S had a good time which is the most important.

The holidays are tough...

[glamgirl]

Yes, the holidays are very tough. Keep pushing onward IB. I just watched the movie on Lifetime channel "Holiday Baggage". It was a classic MLC holiday movie. Right down to the younger woman and marrying her.

It's sad that it takes so much destruction and broken families before these WAS's get it if they ever do.

[punkin]

Irish,

I know you are, but be thankful for your wonderful family. It seems to me that they have formed a protective cocoon around you, and that is as it should be. Your son, you are teaching him what it is to be a man. What a man should be. You seem to have each other's back.

My daughters have learned this from me if nothing else-depend on no one but yourself. They do a good job at it, too. I hate that lesson was taught to them by my mistakes in life, but there it is. They do see me as strong and independent, and able to get on with my life. They have also seen the crushed side of me.

I think you are doing a great job. We've come far, you and I. The Holidays? They are just another day on the calender. We will get through them as easily as any other, because we won't let ourselves be dragged down through them.

Hang in there Irish, we are going to make it through this.

[seeking answers]

IB,

Holidays are tough, but do not give anyone else the power to ruin them for you or your children. They can be what you make of them.

[irishblessings]

Thanks to all for encouragement. I hope to find a really good place to be and to stay over the next couple of weeks. Nice, quiet, safe - with my kids!

[irishblessings]

Folks - I am backsliding. Thought I had the holiday thing beat - but I don't. I have moments of complete despair. That is a term I would have NEVER used to describe myself - but there it is - despair. Pain, hurt, sadness - I keep praying but I still find myself here. I catch myself projecting his words on myself as the truth. Not sleeping well again. This morning woke up and did something I never thought I would do - drove over to his new place in the chance that OW would be there. Went up to the door - rang the bell - no answer. I think God was watching out for me. Why did I want to do it? 25 on this board would say ego and I probably have to agree. Who has he chosen that is so much better than me. Does she know everything - would I have even told her his ugly secrets? No - anyway thankfully no one answered and I didn't make a fool out of myself.

D paperwork keeps arriving - Merry F'ng Christmas. Still have NO idea what he wants in terms of a settlement. All I want is to remain the beneficiary on the insurance and retirement plans. I have 25 years invested here and I want to make sure the kids get what we had planned.

I feel as though I have no closure. He's just "done". It's been 6 months - why do I still slide back here? How can I stop myself? I feel like I have those days when I feel strong and I catch myself thinking "maybe I'm over the worst of it" - and then I backslide.

I feel broken again...

[hope for zen]

I'm slidin' with ya' IB. Maybe its those half-moon nights that do it. Maybe we just cycle through the grief too.

Don't know tonight. No answers.

(((hugs))) & prayers too.

[irishblessings]

Zen,
Hold on...I agree about the grief process. (((hugs))) right back to you:)
IB

[warriorshadow]

Irish,

Take some deep breaths please. I know it is hard. I had a court

on Monday and her lawyer is an asshat. It will get better Irish!

I have been at this a while now and I keep getting info that all

is not well with the MLC'r. Info W has no clue I know about.

Even with W going through with D, she may get what she wants but

I can assure you that all is not well in MLC land. I have

followed your sitch and I know how hard it is. YOU do have the

strength within YOU. I see it more in YOU than YOU can see in

yourself. Realize again that they are not the person you know.

That, you have to remind yourself daily. Depression is present

throughout the crisis BUT they hide it well in front of most.

It is still there though. They have to go through the whole thing

divorce or not. If they do not make it, you must realize that you

would not like to live with the alien the rest of your life. I

can tell you first hand that the alien is not a compatible

partner in ANY marriage. This may not be what you want to hear

right now but you will be ok.

WS

[irishblessings]

WS - thank you so much...I wish it was better news. - IB