Zen, I am going to take a moment to lovingly chastise you...
Does he really need to stop over tonight to drop off the phone?
It seems that somebody gets to drop by whenever he wants. Maybe the circumstances are not clear so I am off base. It seems like some cake-eating is going on...
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
In this case it was fairly legit. They turned my phone off to activate the new one, so was without a phone till he got here. He is also working almost all day tomorrow and going out of town for some mysterious reason on Saturday.
He just left. I had gone to bed, but was still awake when he got here. Everything went well I think. He helped me with a little set up. Lots of hugs from H too.
Hugs are ok with me right now. More would have been scary. He was only over for about 10 minutes though. Its a long drive from here to the restaurant and back to his parents house.
I'm against the cake eating thing, but those little moments when you get to see the spouse you married, they are what keeps you hanging on, aren't they? If not for those, why would anyone bother? So, no 2 x 4's from me. You had a nice 10 minutes with the man you remember. 'Nuff said.
I do miss the guy I married. It was nice to see him again, even just for a bit. The nice moments are good, but I know now that they are dangerous too. I'm having to learn not to read anything into the nice moments. I have to just take them as they are, then put them on the shelf.
Trying to figure out my new phone now. There is a lot of stuff to figure out on here! First priority is to get my girl's favorite game app. Its some sort of virtual pet cat.
I am doing good. Expected that the holidays would bring me down, but it hasn't been that way at all. Not doing anything I don't WANT to do this year. Maybe that is why I feel so good.
Had a busy day. Took D to play with the cousins. Had 2 of her friends over to make (and eat) mini gingerbread houses, then visited a fire station holiday display. Got lost looking at Christmas lights on the way back home.
H comes over tomorrow after Church again. Not stressing about it. Glad he is coming to spend time with D, but not fixating on him visiting.
Just keeping busy and trying to keep the stress to a minimum.
The last few days have been good overall. Busy too. Saturday night (late) my H texted to tell me he has a different schedule and we could work it out when he came by the next day. I had been going over the schedule with my girl for over a week by that time, and now it was changed. Ugh.
Sunday we went to church, and then H came by for his visit (about an hour late). D fell asleep on the way home, so I let her nap till he got there. He brought lunch and we had a good visit. D got to show him her new park down the street and he helped me set up some free games on my new phone for D.
Anyway, it turns out his schedule change was pretty big. Instead of having our girl Monday night thru Thursday morning, he could only have her Thursday afternoon till Saturday morning.
D took the change well enough that it seemed to hurt H’s feelings. Having gotten a visit probably helped though.
He waited (again) till the day before he is scheduled to have D to say he has to change the schedule. When he is telling me he wants to take her Thurs & Fri, I said I would need to reschedule a play date for her. H said he didn’t want her to miss seeing her friend, but it sounded like he was hoping he wouldn’t have her that night. Of course my passive-aggressive martyr of a H would NEVER say if he needed a break, so I’m just mind reading.
Once the restaurant opens he will be pretty unavailable. H has been telling me he didn’t know how often he would even be able to see her.
His restaurant won’t close till 2 am and he will be there most nights and weekends. Even if he gets out at 3, home by 4, and goes straight to bed, he won’t be up before noon. That takes out the possibility of keeping her most mornings, even if I were to bring her to him. Oh, and he is back at the store working part time again too. He plans to work just enough to stay on their minimal insurance plan, but even that will knock another 8 hours a week from his available time.
He believes this will be temporary, maybe a few months. I have my doubts about that. Everything I know about the restaurant industry tells me he will be up to his eyeballs. His plans to eventually have 3-4 days off every week sound like pipe dreams to me.
I am starting to get a bit concerned. His schedule is going to be brutal, but that isn’t really what has me worried. My spidey-sense is tingling and I am remembering feeling this same sense of unease before bomb drop. What I fear is that H is starting to pull away from our girl. It is little things, but they are adding up to a pattern I have seen him play out many times. I am worried by the fatalistic attitude I see and hear from him about our girl.
Overall we did have a nice visit with H on Sunday. I have been filling this week up with some extra holiday activities, and we have had a really nice time together.
I just keep thinking about him pulling away from our daughter, and it makes me sad for both of them. I’m not sure what I can or even should do. I don’t even know if there is anything I can do. sigh…
