My thoughts. First on your need for some initiation by her part. I would let that go for now and I would back off a little myself. It sounds like aren't giving her the chance to come to you. It does get easier, but remember there a lot of way someone shows they care for you beside hugs, kisses, etc. Especially since your W isn't a physical person. Why would you expect this monumental change in who she is now? My IC is awesome and he reminded me of that this morning. In a marriage, especially a long marriage we have different ways of communication caring for your partner. Now for you it might be hugs, kisses, spooning etc. But that doesn't mean you W is on the same page right now and you can't assume that because she doesn't initiate those things she isn't filling your love bucket. She at her actions. Does she pull away? Does she ask questions about your life? Does she care when you are upset or sad? How does she interact and what does your gut tell you about all these things? I understand how you can feel that time would make things worse, but a BIG part of that is your reaction to the time. You are seeing her actions through your world and you assume the worst about her. You think that she doesn't say those things because she doesn't want to work on the M. Wrong. You need to stop assuming her motivation. I know it's hard, but I think the idea is to just live in the now a little bit instead of looking to the future and a decision. Enjoy the company, the spooning and the conversation.
Like JTB said, three months isn't really that long of time. 3 years of limbo and I'd agree.
Personally, I'd look for a new IC. But to some extent she is right about approaching your wife or challenging her. You know the time for that better than the IC. The potential move also adds to wanting to know.
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
