H's MLC - finding compassion and forgiveness

[Mila]

Thank you punkin, SA, Glam & GAG

punkin - liking your analogy of the rabbit in the tunnel

SA - I think that H is more confused about his feelings for me then he is able to admit even to himself....

Glam -

"communicate" better... Oh my gosh Mila I think those were my h's exact words too about MC

...isn't that interesting. Question: When you were going to MC was your H involved with any OW?

GAG - I'm thinking that while my H is "in love" with OW he will not allow himself to explore any feelings for me even with a good therapist....that would be like cheating on OW....as for his depression....I believe that he thinks that he is depressed because of "what he has done"....he doesn't realize that he has done this because he was already depressed....Am I making sense?

Update:

Last week when I had that good day with H visiting his dad I mentioned that I was sad that after 35 years of being a family his sister never contacted me since H left...
Well she called me yesterday....obviously H mentioned it to her. She apologized and said that she knows that she should have called me, but it was hard....I said that I understand. We talked about families...avoiding the subject of H and what he has done. I didn't say much about H, just that I'm concerned about him, that he seems unhappy...she is a psychologist, so I thought that she would recognize the signs of depression....if she did, she didn't let on...she only said "I'm sure that he is sad...this is a hard thing to go through for both of you...especially you...be strong and hang in there"...She only knows H's "truth". It was hard not to tell her "my side" of what he has done and how he's treated me...but I didn't..."taking the high road"....also remembered that they welcomed him and OW when he took her there for a visit....must be hard for her too...she is his sister and will try to support him.

Also got an email from H yesterday re SA
"Here is an invoice from my lawyer. I have his feedback, just don’t have the energy to deal with it now... Please send him the payment. Thank you"

Another email....asking me for Xmas ornaments...wants to come over and go through them and take some so he can decorate his tree...I said that's fine with me

Called me yesterday and wanted to talk about Xmas ....said that he would like the presents to D to be from the both of us and that he would like to open presents with D. Asked me what we are doing on Xmas eve...I told him that I will keep the same traditions as every year....sounded to me a bit as if he was fishing that maybe he wanted to be invited, I didn't say anything...then he said that he wanted to spend time with D so maybe he will have her for dinner on the 26th. I said that's fine and asked...at your apartment? (knowing that OW is in town) he said don't know yet, maybe there, maybe I'll take her out....
Should I invite him for Xmas Eve?

Received another email
I am upset with D. I wanted her to come on Thursday for dinner, she wouldn’t even consider changing her plans so she could come.... But when she needs something...!!!

then D comes to me later and said "Dad is acting so weird, he wanted me to come for dinner on Thursday but I already had plans and he got so mad at me".

I think that I know why he was so upset....Thursday was the last day he could see her before OW comes....because D & I are going away for a ski weekend (that upsets him as well, because he always loved to go as a family) and then OW arrives...the pattern is that he tries to see D close to before OW arrives or before he flies out to see OW.

And....I had a "date" last night with a really nice guy that I've met recently. Just couple of glasses of wine and a nice conversation...it was fun.