Piecing

[FindingMyVoice]

Thank you Sandi. I'm sorry I'm faltering here again - I know we've gone over much of this and I feel badly that the lessons you've already taught me are already wobbling in my mind. Thanks for not giving up on me.

I am indeed in counseling with an excellent psychologist. She also told me that the meds aren't a fix-all; just a support for the hard work I have to keep doing. And I'm determined to do it. I know there's no other acceptable choice for me at this point.

Although I do wish my H could talk more openly with me about this, I'm not holding it against him. I know he's doing all he can and that he does love me. Yes you're right. I am mindreading when my H doesn't talk. I guess I always seek his approval because in a way I feel like if he doesn't believe it, it mustn't be 'right' or real. So when he doesn't verbally approve I assume he either disagrees or just plain doesn't care and doesn't want to have to hear another word about it. Yes, I know... mindreading... negative thought patterns... disrespectful to him... just bad bad bad.

I thought I'd come so far, and now I feel like there's still so far to go. And I'm so tired, Sandi. I wish I could just lay my head down on my desk, shut my eyes and make it all go away. Thank you for your encouragement - I'm hanging onto it with everything I've got. FMV.