Am I piecing? Just can't tell...

[Sad_but_happy]

Question:

I always feel awful when I'm away from home and away from W. I fight the urge to call, text, and email W every day. Even though she gives signs that she wants to work on the M (agreeing to move and start new life, sharing wine, sitting close, not rejecting my very small advances).

Here's why...

Last night (and every night) we had a few glasses of wine, nice conversation, went to bed and read more of "surrendering to Marriage" and fell asleep spooning (forth night in a row). The problem is that I initiate ALL the physical contact (except in the morning when she is leaving for work she hugs me goodbye). I am not in LRT... Am I being too needy? Should I back off the physical? I fear if I stop it may push her away. I fear if I don't stop she will never miss me. I'm not over the top affectionate but I do show affection.

No "I love you", no "I want to make us work", no "I want to be with you". Nothing verbal from her.

We discuss moving to a different city together to start a new life but she will not say, "I want to make us work". Seems crazy to me...

Is she doing/saying it through non-verbal cues? Is she saying she wants to "try" by discussing our possible new life in another place?

I had an IC meeting today and she said that you can't uproute your family and kids and move to another place if you and your W are not committed to the M. It is unfair to me as the H and unfair to my kids. My IC thinks that my W is somewhat "out there" because of my W behavior. My IC does not believe in limbo. She feels after 3 months a firm decision needs to be made. Activly work on the marriage or don't... I kinda agree.

We go to a MC in the same office and my IC talks to our MC and both therapists feel that my W is making a huge mistake. But it's her mistake to make.

I also feel myself getting VERY angry and resentful because I am WORKING on the marriage and she is simply DECIDING if she wants it to work at it. So one person gets their Love Bucket not only full but overflowing (my W) and the other persons Love Bucket is almost completely empty (mine).

Sooo, though she has done nothing to make me feel lost, I still do... I need reassurance... Reassurance that she will not go back to OM, reassurance that she wants to work on M, reassurance that she loves and cares about me... Everyone says that time is on your side and that time is your friend. I disagree, I feel that time builds anger and resentment and indifference.

Even DR speaks of the cheating spouce needing to reassure the jilted spouse after an affair. And when that does not happen things can go very bad...

Remember: "An idol mind is a playground for the devil."