It'a All About Me

[Sanderika]

Hello all,

I can't sleep tonight.

I sent H a flirty text at supper time and did not get a response.

I know he is out of state and veerry busy. I am ashamed to admit I had, or better put created an expectation that I would get something in return.

I like what you all have suggested. I will have a discussion on the new friendly relationship that has been created out of this mess. It is good, really good, to spend time with H and I am absolutely sure he enjoys it just the same as me. I need to keep this flower blooming.

Things I have realized:

I would not be in a friendship place with H if I had closed the door to him all those many months ago.

My changes are what turned this from a hurting/hateful situation into a loving friendship.

Our relationship began way back in 1979 as a friendship that blossomed into a marriage, a long term marriage. We had a good marriage too. It was not bad at all until I became depressed and withdrawn and those ailments lingered for a very long time, more than 2 years. I am no longer living that he!!. H is once again a loving friend. Time and patience still may be just the key to reuniting. Time and Patience has brought us this far.

The wall H built to keep me out at the beginning is coming down. H is still reserved and is resisting his true feelings much less frequently than before. I have proven to H that I am not his enemy. My insistence throughout this ordeal that I treat H well by being kind, loving and warm towards H at all times has been a key factor in turning this situation around.

I have forgiven H completely for his performances during the past 5 years. H feels complete forgiveness and acceptance by me and that has helped H immensely to restore his feelings for me.

I have always listened to H. H and I have valuable and constructive, honest conversations. He is always saying things like: "you know me" or "you get me". He feels validated having a conversation with someone who knows him inside and out and understands him. I have been his go to person for the past 5 years throughout this separation because he values me.

H has respect for me and tells me so.

As hard as H has tried he cannot stay away. Even when I pull back and go no contact H comes around. I sometimes think this will/would be harder on H to have to live completely without me than it would be for me to live completely without him.

I am sorry for the rambling my friends. I felt like journaling tonight. I have shed some tears. I have done a lot of praying.
I have hope that H's heart is changing.

I wish you all well,

Sanderika