thanks for the words of encouragement. I really appreciate it. I am doing my best to get out of the house when I really want to do something. Not forcing myself out of the house though (unless I'm feeling angry/frustrated with W). Then I usually just go for a drive or run a few errands.
Coach,
If you knew some of the detectives in my department, you would probably rethink that advice, haha.
Angel,
Thanks for the input. And I know to trust my gut. My gut is telling me that all is not what it seems. Right now, I feel like she is trying to get a reaction out of me at all costs. She knows how observant I am and that those pills/tests would be easy to find. She didn't go out of her way to hide them. In fact, she left the BP pills on the sink for a week and the pregnancy tests are still in the boxes right under her sink.
She pretty much directed me to the receipts (that had the preg test purchases on them). Also, after I found them, I made room in the guest room and laid all the receipts and toys/gifts out in the open so we can see what we have. I told her about it and she thought it was a good idea (a place to wrap em up). The receipt with the test purchases is laid right in the open. If she was trying to hide that, she could easily just take the receipt and toss it. Its been down there for a few days.
Also, she kept the old pregnancy tests under the sink in the box. Now, I really dont think that's something you keep around if you are hiding an affair (heck, it's pretty nasty to keep urine sticks around, period!). She could easily trash them at work or in our garage. After I laid the receipts out, she even put a new pregnancy test under her sink right on top of everything. I go under there to get stuff so she knows I would see that.
I know to trust my gut. However, I also if something is THAT obvious, it may very well be some sort of setup. She appeared upset and cold today when she got home as I greeted her normally and acted upbeat. No mention of the tests, etc. She also went to the gym straight from work w/o texting or calling. No problem for me but Im sure she was expecting me to ask where she was since I was home with our son. I didn't ask.
The weird thing is that I am not really concerned if there is an actual affair or not at this point. She's already said she wants a D after our separation so there is nothing to gain for her at this point. If there is an A and I react without actually knowing, that will do nothing for ME. If there isn't and I question her about the tests and all that, then I just give her more justification to leave. Again, all of that will play out in time.
I'm just trying to be the best possible ME at this point. Had a really tough time yesterday and it really helped to vent here. It seems like I have a pretty short recovery time when stuff like this comes up. I get upset, vent it out, take some time away from her and the situation, and then get it all back into perspective.
I am just concerned for my W as a friend right now. I know she is going through a really tough time. She will always be the mother of my son regardless of what happens. I want her to be as happy as possible for his sake. Still trying to be a constant in her life. Giving her the space she requested (and that I need as well) and keeping a positive outlook. Whatever happens with our M, I feel like I will come out stronger, confident, and a better father by DB'ing.
Again, thanks for the responses. I know you many of you are in tough situations as well so I appreciate you
