I was advised to do love kindlers so she will not want to return to OM.
Not familiar with that term. Did that come from the DB board?
The more M programs you check and message boards you're on...the more variety of advice you'll receive. There was a popular movie & book that came out that people were smitten with its techniques. However, it was so pursuing that it made DBing look like tough love!
My suggestion is to find the programs, board, book, or counselor that you feel is speaking your language and you can see yourself doing what it teaches. One thing for sucan't do all of them b/c they do not agree with each other.
I strongly advise you not to do anything as drastic as exposing, if you aren't sure who's advice to take.
What is your goal? What have you done thus far that showed positive results?
There's something a little better: REAL GIVING by Michele. Shirley Glass has a similar word. Real giving is where you love your partner the way they want to be loved. Not easy, because our natural instincts are to love others the way WE want to be loved. And therin lies a clue as to how many folks want to be loved, and your partner is probably one of them: Your partner probably loves others in the manner s/he wants to be loved. An example: If you or someone your partne rloves is sick, s/he may smother them with loving, chicken soup, doctor calls, the whole nine yards. Or they may leave them alone and give them space....because that's what THEY prefer. That's what means love to them. Try doing things the way your partner does them. Experiment, monitor results--adjust if needed.
