thanks for your response. is your h still seeing ow?. How is your son is he still living with you.? I am going to order the book you recommended. I have read a lot of books on saving m but not that one yet, thanks. I know it says i joined these boards in 07 but my h was home for 2 of those yrs. unitl last Feb. Last yr was very difficult because my FIL was sick most of the yr. and died in OCT 09 I think this may have contributed to h going back to ow too. My h acted like me and son did not exist last yr. because he had to take care of his mother and father. His mother is very codependant on h. she wouldnt let us move more than a mile away from her.
When your H was taking care of his father and mother, how did you treat him? What did the OW do differently that made him want to go to her instead of his own family?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
You can find my situation by doing a search on my name.
"why do i feel like i always have to defend myself with you."
Because you feel my questions are provoking. Read them again. They are not. I think you're just uncomfortable at answering them. You've had a pattern of ignoring questions (not just from me) that you don't want to answer, but are necessary to get healthy.
Like the advice about getting more support professionally. When you said your son was cutting himself, that was a real concern. But you left it up to your son whether or not he wanted to go. And then you dropped the subject.
Then when the question came up about why your H should come back to you in terms of looking at positives in your life, you never responded.
Just a few months ago you posted how your H was wasting money and how you were wondering how you were going to survive. Then now you post that he got you a necklace that you deserved.
That type of mixed thinking is not healthy and I've said it before, I'm very worried about you. I'm the only one that's stuck with you so far. Everyone else has seemingly given up.
You want to bust your D, fine. But you have to start being honest about everything in order to come up with a plan of action. Or do you want to stay depressed like this for 4 more years?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
2 years ago, my W asked for a D because she had an A with her boss twice her age. We have 2 daughters, the youngest was barely 1 y.o. when she left. She ended it, but continued to work with him until Feb. this year. Her reasoning is that she just "doesn't feel like being married anymore". The OM shows up at my working place in Feb. and tries to get me fired. I stand up to him and never see him again.
Today...my W and I see each other every week. We have the kids 50/50 and in the past 7 months, my W has been engaging more and acting more like the old W I married.
I was honest with her and the problems I contributed to the marriage. I stood strong and got my self-esteem back. I also dropped the rope so that if she leaves, it's no big deal. I know I'm a person of worth.
To this day I get those low times and I feel resentment, anger, etc. But after a while you learn that all those are things that you can control. You either let them conquer you or you conquer them. I gave my sitch up to God and let Him run the show without expectations.
I can hear the fear, desperation, anger, etc. coming through in your posts. I get it. When are you going to start showing strength, courage, faith, etc.?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I think a lot of spouses come back because if money reasons and that is not my h situation. I think making a lot of money was a reason that he left for ow because his ego was so big. Im not saying this was the only reason but he is having a great time with ow with all the $ he has. the reason i asked him for necklace because i know that was something he loved doing was giving expensive gifts and I didnt want him to give them to me i wanted him to save the money or put it towards sons college . He saw this as me controlling him. i saw it as being a responsible parent and husband. thanks for sharing your story.
I don't know if what bond said helped u rysmom, but hearing your story helped me Bond. I have been in a really low place the last couple of days. Actively healing instead of passively waiting is what I need to do, just not sure how. My self esteem is so low right now.
