I am getting to a point where I am ready to drop the rope except of course for the kids broken little hearts and my own welfare, being the man, I'd get royally screwed in D court.
Dropping the rope is not D.
Dropping the rope is crucial. See after some time these wayward spouses are getting off and building up esteem on your reaction, your pain and suffering, your asking them when they are coming home, your beggging etc.
Your filling them with a selfish pride by holding onto it.
When you drop the rope, you actually don't care. Its almost like they are gone in your heart, it literally is one step from gone. It is necessary to do this for you to do rebuilding without backsliding.
