Am I piecing? Just can't tell...

[Sad_but_happy]

I agree Harrier. So funny, my W looks better then she ever has as well. It's the mid-life crisis thing. She only wears skimpy sexy underware, always high heels, fitted tops and hip hugger bottoms.

I am almost confident (can you ever really be 100% sure) the EA is over but with only 40 days since NC it's too early to say if she would go back. Also OM is 32, a professional, has his own home, and not married so that puts me at and even bigger disadvantage.

When she finally broke it off she was so angry and unhappy. She thought about him all the time and you could see the pain in her face. It appears that that initial grieving process has died down and she is much happier day to day.

So I am in wait and see mode... She still talks of sharing a life with me and doing things together but I am so on edge that I question if it's for the right reasons. And if it's for the wrong reasons do I actually what to share a life with HER?

Things that make you go hmmm.

This pit in my stomach is killing me. See, this crap is not healthy! And this is when I question if its all worth it.

But I will go home, smile, play with my kids, talk to my wife as if all is peachy, act "as if", and quietly die inside... And that sums up the life of a DB'er...

[Jack_Three_Beans]

And that sums up the life of a DB'er...

The choice, sums up the choice.

You aren't a stick in the ocean...well you can be, and that reflects the whole, "die quietly inside, or you can plot your course and weather the storm.

Bloodied but unbowed...

[Drew]

I am the master of my fate.

I am the captain of my soul.

[Sad_but_happy]

Thanks DB'ers...

Just a tough day today. Your help is invaluable!

[Jack_Three_Beans]

SbH,

You can do this, for one more day, right?
Make it through?

Just repeat that tomorrow.

[sgctxok]

Ditto Jack.

Sad--we ALL have them. After 10 years (almost) of DBing--I can tell you it gets better. I promise.

sg

[Sad_but_happy]

You are right JTB...

Going home to kiss the kids and enjoy the W as much as possible...

[Sad_but_happy]

Thx SG...

Home now being a friend and partner...

Another day with ME and without OM will produce results.

Thanks for all the help! I really needed it today!

[sgctxok]

I love Jack's honesty and perspective.

He's right. The relationships, even when you are piecing are not easy. You can be extremely lonely and it can feel very intense. I didn't have another person involved, but I had some terrible comments, and hearing endearing words are very important to me. I didn't hear them and did hear some very disheartening words: "I just don't feel the way you want me to feel"

I hear the words I want to hear now, I hear "ILY's" all the time, I hear future plans, how sweet I am, and he follows it up with his actions. I've learned he's more of an actions guy than a words guy, and that's the thing that kep me hanging in there. Even when I didn't hear the words I wanted to hear, I often saw the actions.

So if you're being a friend and a partner, that's exactly what worked for me.

Keep on keepin' on.

[Sad_but_happy]

Update:

Got home last night and first thing I did was hug W and say TY for being a great mom. It was well received. Then helped W with dinner. Had good time as a family and then helped clean up after.

We had a few glasses of wine after, talked about the overnight stays we are doing fir the holidays. We always go into the city and spend a few nights at a hotel with the kids.

Went to bed together and we read a chapter of "Surrendering to Marriage". Turned out the lights and spooned while falling to sleep.

Not sure if we are moving to fast because she seems receptive. She even said last night that "things are going good."

This morning she kisses me for the first time in months. It was on the cheek.

Thoughts?