Just wanted to say you seem to be handling things great (or your just a really good writer!), and your self-control in the situations you speak of is something I wish I had. The second my W brings up anything remotely related to our R, I get emotional/upset about where we are headed. Usually this happens on the weekend when we are both home for most of the time.
I really think it's important to get out and find your own identity. Changing your routine is good for you and also gets the W's attention.
Like you I am focusing on my kids more than ever and although at times it's tiring I'm enjoying it so much. I'm just really watching them - the little things and it makes me feel proud. I took them out to a birthday party last nigh (no W, she had to work) and they had a great time.
I have to try and make some plans for the weekend, just to keep busy and avoid getting "attached" again.
Vent away, read other people's sitchs. It gives me hope and helps me cope - as well as the strength to be strong and detach.
Your well ahead of me, but I know we can all do it. Keep going!
Me - 34 W - 33 M - 8 years T - 15 years D7, D5, D2 Bomb Nov 10/2010 "I'm not happy and INILWY" W Staying for the kids Mar 13/2011
