Everything that SA said is true. As bad as the pain is now, you will be able to find a new found pride in your ability to cope successfully on your terms. BUT, that doesn't help the pain now, does it? It's like a hurt you want to rub and make better, but you just can't reach?
I spent weeks in a fog, working with a smile on my face, dying for it to be time to come home, where I would slide into bed, take something to help me sleep, and just get away from it for awhile. The awful reality. First, and I'm not advocating pharmaceutical dependantcy, see your doctor and explain the situation. Get something for the anxiety before it eats your lunch. You can't be the best you you can be for yourself or your kids if you are a nervous wreck.
It's just all part of taking control and taking care of yourself. The hardest part for me was learning that I couldn't help him in any way, I had to take care of me.
Second, it sounds as if you should go dark for a period of time. Call it a restful resort experience. No contact; no frustration and pain. It helps heal YOU, while giving him a taste of what it would be like to be without you. I understand you have young children, but he is proposing taking himself out of their lives for all intents and purposes, let him. ONLY HAVE CONTACT WHEN ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY.
All this is just MHO, but if I had listened to the people on the Board that told me the same, and not tried to keep 'fixing' things for him, I would have spared myself a lot of grief.
When you need to vent, we are here. Let us have it. We can take it because we've all been there. ((HUGS))
ME: 54 Him: 51 M: 20 years T: 21 years OW/New wife: 36 Sons & Daughters: 7 (ages 24-36) Bomb: March 4, 2010 He Filed: April 28, 2010 I Contested: May 1, 2010 Standing Down: 11/24/10 Divorced : 05/04/2011
I spent weeks in a fog, working with a smile on my face, dying for it to be time to come home, where I would slide into bed, take something to help me sleep, and just get away from it for awhile. The awful reality.
Wow, this is exactly what I do when I dont have the kids also, I cant wait to get home and then almost panic at the thought of going there, to an empty house with noone waiting for me. In the past I would have loved a day or hour or minute to myself, now it only comes with dread.
I am very disappointed with myself for letting him turn me into such a wreck. I need to find that pride you mention. I need to put on a brave face for my babies and let them know I am going to be ok. i hope to hell I will be ok.
Me 38 H 39 T 22years M 15years DS 14, DS 12, DD 6 Bomb 3/2010 h's 39th bday "Temporarily" Separated 6/7/10 H EA cant let myself believe anything more. H files 10/10
Don't keep beating yourself up for how you've reacted. I would bet that most of us acted in similar ways. Decide that that is the past and you are going from here.
Keep thinking respond instead of react. Give yourself time to think about things before you respond and it will keep you from making a knee-jerk reaction.
That pride, strength and patience that it takes to get through this is already there inside you. You may have to dig for it and sometimes deeper than others, but it's there.
just heard that he told his cousin he has never been happier. What I wouldnt do to be able to say that. Wow. I have been doing fairly well but this just set me back a bit. Wow. Like others I have been just blow away with how he can just cut me out of his life after 22 years of being there. He just could care less if he sees or speaks to me and it is a burden actually. I want to hate him as much as he hates me but I cant. My lawyer said he will move as fast as I want him to, some days I want to just get it over with and others I want to drag it out as long as possible hoping he will wake up.
Me 38 H 39 T 22years M 15years DS 14, DS 12, DD 6 Bomb 3/2010 h's 39th bday "Temporarily" Separated 6/7/10 H EA cant let myself believe anything more. H files 10/10
