Beyond Depression..but still a losing battle?

[awest1217]

I completely understand where you are. It was where I was probably about Feb of last year. I wanted to see H and have our marriage work, but at the same time, I was very content when H wouldn't talk to me. I would be upset for a day, but after that I would be very content and happy to not have to deal with it all.

A few things to remember, first is that you have to deal with H the rest of your life. It is probably right now that you get a break because if you ever did D, you would probably have to hear from him a lot more (at least that is the case with me) until the D is final. Second, don't worry about venting. Just keep doing what you feel is best. I feel for you and S because S is very close to your parents and your in-laws.

With Hawaii, just go. Don't tell H that if you are working it out that he gets to come. H has gone places without you and even not told you. You at least are telling him in advance and letting him know that S will be out of the state. If you tell H he could get to come, then like you said he may start therapy just to go. Take this time for you and S. A time to relax and regroup. Leave H out of it and he can join if he actually gets his act in gear.

I know a little harsh, but at some point you also have to stop holding H up. H is a big boy and you can be supportive without always feeling bad about taking care of you first.