Its been a few weeks since my last post. I read these boards frequently and they definitely help. Over the last few weeks, we've gotten most of the financial issues straightened out. We got separate checking accounts and laid out the ground rules for paying bills, etc. The whole process went much smoother than I thought it would. The W just seemed surprised as to how little extra spending money we actually had each month. She had been spending like crazy over the last month so it definitely eases my mind to have my own money and not worry about her draining everything.
That aside, my suspicions on a possible A have grown. I have no concrete proof at this point. However, there have been some huge red flags. About a month ago, she went to her primary physician and got a prescription for birth control pills. granted, she did nothing to hide the prescription and left the pills on her counter for a week. I know she has complained about her period for a long time and was irregular after the miscarriage in August.
So, she has not started taking the pills yet and has been having her period for the last several days (tampon casings all over the house). Well, yesterday she was out Xmas shopping for our boy and nieces. She told me that she put all the presents downstairs for me to look at, etc. So, in looking at the receipts (we are paying for the presents jointly), I noticed 2 Pregnancy Tests on one of them. Again, she knew I was going to look at those. I went upstairs and it looked as if she used one of the pregnancy tests.
I just dont get that. If you are in the middle of your period, why on earth would you need to take a pregnancy test? Any info on that would be appreciated. I really am curious.
I have been busy doing my 180's and GAL. Ive been very consistent and Im sure the W has noticed. I feel great physically and Im in the best shape of my life. Im looking good, smelling good, doing tons around the house and for our son. Im not pressing her for conversation but I am actively listening when she talks to me.
Im just having a tough time with my current status. I am just angry about the possible lying, A. I am trying to stay warm, yet detached, but I am having a hard time even wanting to be in her presence right now. I am leaving for a work a bit earlier (on some days) just to get out and get a break. Is this OK to do right now??
When I do leave, she seems more concerned with what I am up to. She texts me about unnecessary things and acts more involved with me the next day. The last two Saturday nights, we have even gone out as a family. We did Xmas lights and coffee one weekend and last weekend we went toy shopping and she even suggested that we stop and have Subway together.
A few days ago, she was saying "thank you" to me for almost every little thing I did. She also said "bless you" when i sneezed for the first time in over a month.
Im just feeling incredibly conflicted right now. I still love my W and family but I feel like I am the one that really needs more space right now. Does that make sense?
I am just disappointed more than anything. If there is an A, I truly believe it will all play out. I have thought about snooping on our computer, etc but I always talk myself out of it and never want to sink to that level. I want to keep my dignity in all of this.
She also talks to me about her Mom's situation with Cancer frequently and in detail. She tears up and I get a glimpse of the person I know and love. She always initiates the conversation every few days. However, she never looks me in the eyes when she talks about it. I make sure that I give her the support she needs in that area.
Im really just need to vent right now and get a little advice on how to proceed in my current situation. Should I just keep doing the things that are working?? Is it OK to make a bit more time for myself when I am feeling angry/frustrated with her behavior??
Any advice is always appreciated. Hell, I really just needed to write all of this down for my own sake. Thank you all so much for reading.
