Friendship option and other Hot topics

[Jack_Three_Beans]

I disagree.

I want my boys, for the sake lets say they are the LBS with empty eyes, to give it their absolute best shot and then some, so that come what may, they can honestly tell themselves, "I did my damndest."

I have no regrets for DBing. If I had quit after 3-4 months...rather if I had quit without giving it my all? Everyone has a different time frame. For some 3-4 is their all.
I would have regreted it.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

@#$ing edit...

: )

Clarify:

I disagree with Sad_but_Happy.

Not Angel.

[Sad_but_happy]

And I respect your opinion JTB.

Can I ask, was your W involved in an A while living in the home you share?

If so, how long did the A last?

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Yes she did.

And it lasted, for about a year. PA
EA? Months before the PA and several months after the PA.

[censored] to say, it is a relationship and like any of them must die on its own.

She lived at home for about 4 months, then lived at her friends on and off, mostly on at first. But after about 6 months, I kicked her out completely.

[Sad_but_happy]

And at why point did she return? Did OM get tired of her or she of him? What made her return to you? Love, desperation, fear?

[Jack_Three_Beans]

My name to the left of this post click on it.
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Sort by topics created.

Its in there somewhere.

I'd stick with the topics created, as opposed to sorting though 9K plus piles of smiley faces.

[sgctxok]

The problem is--we ignore the spouse's point of view. We only see one side.

My example/my own life:

I want to say something here about suspecting an affair.

If you're an oldtimer and you know me, you know I was divorced long before this board because of an abusive situation and I came to the board for a different relationship.

If you heard this version from my exH you would hear a completely different story. He thinks I had an affair. Sometimes he thinks it was an MLC. Neither are true. He treated me poorly. And at any point in the first couple of years along the way, I would have given him a chance because of my beliefs, and my past love for him.

That said, the later relationship that brought me to the board...and to my knees...so to speak...was the revelations that ensued of my own failings in the relationship and lead me to retrospection of my part in my former marriage.

I want to give yo uthe other side of that. ASSuming I was having an affair (and from my experience 16 years later on the board, I think his buddies and perhaps his family suggested that--but it was FALSE at the time), actually lead him to not take care of the issue, and to blame it on me.

Of course, this lead to the divorce and my finding another relationship. His 'AS IF' attitude created his fear, and delayed me from dealing with my own faults.

Envisioning another scenario: if he had admitted his faults, treated me well; my own shadow would have appeared and I would have had to change my own faults earlier on in that marriage. My first marriage MIGHT have had a chance.

[newmama]

so jealous of the Mods' ability to edit!!! Why can't we edit anymore? Won't that help people write "nicer" posts?

Also--I guess my heart is too sensitive because I couldn't bring myself to fully be friends with exH. In order to do that, it would mean listening and hearing of his relationship with OW. The betrayal is so deep that I couldn't do it.

BUT if people want to try, go for it. But if it brings you too much stress, depression and anxiety and makes your quality of life miserable...it isn't for you.

[mrbt]

I am facing a similar situation. My wife tells me I am her best friend yet she wants divorce. We have been in limbo for a year and a half now - just moved away 6 days ago. I am struggling with the friendship question. We been together for 25 years. I cannot imagine not being her friend but at the same do not think will be possible or healthy post divorce.

[TimeHeals]

I cannot imagine not being her friend but at the same do not think will be possible or healthy post divorce.

According to your signature, you've been divorce since March, and that's what? 9 months?

Be honest. You haven't let go even after divorce. You're still holding on.