Friendship option and other Hot topics

[sgctxok]

The problem is--we ignore the spouse's point of view. We only see one side.

My example/my own life:

I want to say something here about suspecting an affair.

If you're an oldtimer and you know me, you know I was divorced long before this board because of an abusive situation and I came to the board for a different relationship.

If you heard this version from my exH you would hear a completely different story. He thinks I had an affair. Sometimes he thinks it was an MLC. Neither are true. He treated me poorly. And at any point in the first couple of years along the way, I would have given him a chance because of my beliefs, and my past love for him.

That said, the later relationship that brought me to the board...and to my knees...so to speak...was the revelations that ensued of my own failings in the relationship and lead me to retrospection of my part in my former marriage.

I want to give yo uthe other side of that. ASSuming I was having an affair (and from my experience 16 years later on the board, I think his buddies and perhaps his family suggested that--but it was FALSE at the time), actually lead him to not take care of the issue, and to blame it on me.

Of course, this lead to the divorce and my finding another relationship. His 'AS IF' attitude created his fear, and delayed me from dealing with my own faults.

Envisioning another scenario: if he had admitted his faults, treated me well; my own shadow would have appeared and I would have had to change my own faults earlier on in that marriage. My first marriage MIGHT have had a chance.