Friendship option and other Hot topics

[angel61]

Here is my two cents:

I think the DB/DR approach is very good especially when you are st the start of the crisis. It gives you something to dtart with, help in clearing your mind, stopping the crazy cycle of pursuing , begging, pleading, and more important but not really emphasized in the book, is letting go of your ANGER. Because I found out that the most destructive of all is to be angry, that is when you argue, defend, attack, are unreasonable and end up pushing your spouse away. DB'ing buys you time.

Detaching is the most important aspect, I think, when the initial crisis is over. This leads to the "friendshp" like stage. This is when you GAL, read, educate yourself, consider your option, and also, start trying to attract your spouse back if it suits you, create a connection if possible. It creates an atmosphere of calm, which enables you to view the sitch more clearly, WHATEVER YOUR SPOUSE IS DOING, WHETHER ITS EA, PA, CRAZINESS, AS LONG AS HE IS NOT BEATING YOU UP OR THE KIDS!

At this point, YOU then get to decide what you want to do.In mnay sitches, the above works by either making your spouse realize that the homelife is OK, or maybe at least keeps them from fleeing. Then now comes YOUR side: Do you want to start setting boundaries? Is it time? Can you take the moral aspect, the religious aspect?

In a way, DB/DR is like saying "take 10 deep breaths...." but aside from that, it also says "and do this and this while you are counting.... an action plan! For smeone at their wits end,like I was, it was a God send!