ok everyone, I am in need of some serious guidance on this.
My w called me today to talk about the boys father taking us to court for custody. I told her I would fight with every ounce of my being to keep my boys.
She actually said, "if I come home this problem goes away", just so everyone knows, she had sole custody between her and him. Now i have custodial care.
I didnt know how to respond to the comment she made. I just kinda said, i dont know if it would gfix the problem or not. I kept pretty quite.
She lead the conversation to how screwed up her life has become. She talked to me like I was her friend and believe me it was very hard. She talked about how her and OM just have fun, they enjoy each others company. How 4 monthas ago he said he loved her (hard not to cry at this point), no he is disappointed in her and disgusted by her actions. How he said she can stay as long as she needs to. She even told me she cant picture him not being in her life. I did get a little defensive at this point, and asked if she could picture her life without me in it. She did say no, and I let it go and continued to listen.
I listened to all this and more, it got to the point where i was shaking but I kept calm, kept my voice steady and didnt give into my anger. The entire conversation lasted 3 hours. It seems she just wants to talk to me.
This was horrible for me, it was hard to listen to all that, knowing she is my w and she isnt at home with me. I didn't knock her feelings for the OM, I did tell her that the relationship was going now where. I told her that her entire family wouldnt accept him, she cant take our kids near him, his family doesnt like her, and he wont tell her he loves her and only says she can stay as long as she needs to.
I justified her feelings for OM, but I dont think I can do this much longer. It kills me to here her talk about how hard it is to picture life without him, and how she didnt expect to have such a hard time leaving.
She knows her life is messed up, she knows her choices arent right, yet she cant seem to leave a man who just lets her crash. So I get to listen and justify.
If i dont listen, how do I get her to connect with me? This is what I have been to her for 20 years, her best friend, someone she told everything in her life to. I dont want to tell her i cant talk to her about OM, she might not talk to me at all.
So if the pros could please offer some advice here for me. I am reading DR for a second time. I am trying to keep a positive attitude, but it is getting hard. This is the third talk like this in just a little over 3 weeks.
What should I be doing, continuing with this course or just telling her, I cant talk to her about it.
