wife preparing to leave me and kids

[blue2010]

I get all the principles and applying them I do need reminding but when her behavior keeps fluctuating and she is so bottled up that she doesn't want to talk and there is no solid evidence if the A is still going on the A that suppossedly ended in june but the d day made them talk more to each other. Now she just can't handle all the stuff that comes with that and unless she is emailing from her phone he is txting first and he said no more contact.
I am being told to expose the A but if it is over then that is just as bad as the A. So what do I do. Get through xmas and let her go. Tell her stop having contact or go? She wants to go it feels like a no win situation.