W and I had a great weekend hanging with friends. We even went to sleep holding hands last night (of course I grabbed hers) but she did not pull away.
I just feel such lonliness today. I want her to want me but it feels like she is just DOING THE BEST SHE CAN based on her feelings or lack of them at this point in her life. She IS trying...
Part of me just wants to give up and find a woman that doesn't have to TRY to love me. It just doesn't make sense. I'm a good father, and a good provider and very affactionate. I've made mistakes but who among us hasn't? I've been taught that you don't stay with someone if they don't want you... Just not a good day today...
Here is what is hurting me sooooo bad today...
About 6 weeks ago my wife made reference to the fact that she IS affactionate and she IS touchy and she IS flirty. These are all things that she has not been in our marriage. Things that I have wanted and asked of her. The reason she says that she IS all these things is bacuase she was able to to give in her EA with OM.
Now I'm not dumb. The excitment of new love and a two month EA makes it easy to feel all these new feelings and give more of yourself. We have been together for 21 years so that "new" feeling is hard to feel.
99% of us in long committed relationships enjoy ML with our S and then fall asleep soon after. But that same 99% (me included) could pull an all nighter with a "new" lover and ML 3-4 times. It's ironic but true.
So how do I combat these feelings of anger, resentment, hurt and lonliness?
M: 42 - W: 41 - M: 18 - T: 23 - D:16 S:14 EA - July 2010 NC w/EA - Nov 2010 Piecing - Jan 2011 I ask for div - Jan 2012 Div papers filed - Mar 2012 I move out - July 2012 Divorce final - Nov 7, 2012
