Working through it when you want to save your marriage is on pages 214-216 in DR:
Quote:
"If you are considering trying to save your marriage when your partner is unwilling to end the affair you can count on receiving lots of advice from people who know about the situation. The will undoubtedly tell you to stop being a doormat and go on with your life. You need to be the one who calls the shots on this one. This is, after all your life. You need to decide how you want to handle it. Trust your instincts. Don't let anyone else tell you what to do. If you're not ready to give up on your marriage, keep fighting."
There is the backoff--stop pursuit of the LRT that may be helfpul. This doesn't mean going completely dark, the level varies with each .
"You need to find out what need your spouse is fulfilling by spending time with this person so that you can do a better job fulfilling that need yourself. You need to make some changes. Don't tell your spouse tha tyou are going to change or that things will be different, just start acting differently."
And then of course, take care of yourself, do the things that make you happy, because that is more attractive, and you deserve to be happy.
Coach, no one said it was easy. And you already knew the answer. Individual recommendations go on individual threads.
