The different path... Continued

[Mystik]

H was about 45 minutes late getting DS to me. Ended up having to meet at the WalMart a few minutes from the exchange spot, H had promised DS a toy and hadn't gotten it yesterday for him. When they got there they came over to my car and DS was crying. H explained that DS wanted me to go in with them. I needed some groceries so I did. It was weird walking in to the store together, felt like we were a family again for those few minutes. DS just needed a big hug from his mama and he was fine. H and DS went to get his toy while I went to get my groceries. Once we had all checked out H hugged DS good-bye and left, then DS and I went to the Dunkin Donuts in the store to get him a donut and then went home.

H was friendly, seemed in a much better mood than he was Friday. No mention of anything other than DS.

[dbmod]

Had a thought about what led to the marriage falling apart. Feel very sure that my depression was the main factor. Neither of us understood what I was dealing with. Neither of us knew how to handle it. I wish so much that I had the understanding years ago that I have now. I wish I could educate H about the depression and how it impacted me, as if it would make a difference.

Maybe in the future -- closer to a reconciliation it would be helpful. Of course, that conversation may push him away right now.

[dbmod]

H was about 45 minutes late getting DS to me. Ended up having to meet at the WalMart a few minutes from the exchange spot, H had promised DS a toy and hadn't gotten it yesterday for him. When they got there they came over to my car and DS was crying. H explained that DS wanted me to go in with them. I needed some groceries so I did. It was weird walking in to the store together, felt like we were a family again for those few minutes. DS just needed a big hug from his mama and he was fine. H and DS went to get his toy while I went to get my groceries. Once we had all checked out H hugged DS good-bye and left, then DS and I went to the Dunkin Donuts in the store to get him a donut and then went home.

H was friendly, seemed in a much better mood than he was Friday. No mention of anything other than DS.

That is really nice, Mystik. Increasing the positive interactions, and decreasing negative ones is in your favor. You had a part in making it positive, ending with you having a good feeling about it. What was it--ie, what did YOU do or what was YOUR attitude going into this that helped? It is extremely important to catch those things.

[Mystik]

I don't think it was anything I did that made H be in a reasonable mood. I was cool towards him bordering on being cold and gave DS most of my attention.

[dbmod]

It makes a difference. Had you treated him differently, you would likely had achieved different results.

[Mystik]

How should I have treated him differently? Been ice cold so he knows any chance of friendship doesn't exist? Been warm and friendly so he knows how much I still care? He knows I care and it frustrates him because he doesn't anymore.

[ScaredinCanada]

I think Dbmod is saying that you handled it well, that the way you handling might have added in your H being in a better mood. At the same time he is saying that if you had acted differently (ie. frustrated or confrontational) you H may have acted differently towards you.

[Mystik]

Oh, that makes more sense. Thank you.

[Mystik]

Started treatment part time this week, so now I go three days a week for half a day instead of all five days for a full day. On the two days I don't have treatment I'm most likely going to go in to work, ease back into that. Not that work was ever an issue for me, only problem with work was getting there on-time. Waiting for the personnel office to call me back and let me know how to have the papers filled out by the treatment center for me to return and how to apply for leave with half-pay for the days I'm out. I have no paid time off left, used it up on the full-time program. January is going to be a bit tight with the paychecks.

[Mystik]

Crap crap crap. Just talked to Personnel. I do qualify for leave with half pay... as long as I am on it full-time. I cannot work two days a week and get half-pay on the other days. So it's either work two days a week and get a paycheck for 4 days, or continue on leave and get a paycheck for 5 days. Stressing out right now.