It's malpractice to tell someone to always act as if. As your friend I would not give anyone that advice, I would say if it is bothering you then it is your responsibility to bring it up. In a mature , calm, direct, effective way and what the consequences are if the behavior continues. Now you have a choice instead of just acting as if. Acting as if can make you a victim. Neither attractive or healthy for you.
It's nice that you count me as your friend.
I believe you've misunderstood. Everyone is always acting as if. That means that at any given time you are acting under a set of assumptions. Our assumptions are just that--assumptions. You choose your assumptions whether you think you do or not. Granted, they are informed by something, but the assumption is about the future. And the information from which an assumption is formed is limited, not all-encompassing.
Acting as if CAN make you a victim, and that would be the as if attitude.
The AS IF attitude in divorcebusting is about the attitudes that are self-fulfilling prophesies. But you know that.
It's malpractice to tell someone to always act as if. As your friend I would not give anyone that advice, I would say if it is bothering you then it is your responsibility to bring it up. In a mature , calm, direct, effective way and what the consequences are if the behavior continues. Now you have a choice instead of just acting as if. Acting as if can make you a victim. Neither attractive or healthy for you.
babble It's nice that you count me as your friend.
I believe you've misunderstood. Everyone is always acting as if. That means that at any given time you are acting under a set of assumptions. Our assumptions are just that--assumptions. You choose your assumptions whether you think you do or not. Granted, they are informed by something, but the assumption is about the future. And the information from which an assumption is formed is limited, not all-encompassing.
Acting as if CAN make you a victim, and that would be the as if attitude.
The AS IF attitude in divorcebusting is about the attitudes that are self-fulfilling prophesies. But you know that.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Reconcilliation is not possible if your S is embroiled in an affair.
This has been discussed by the vets and agreed upon yet it goes against what the DB mods will tolerate. It's a no-brainer and yet DB doesn't address it. Seems even you agree now. What gives?
That is KentS quote and his opinion.
I agree on a personal level that it isn't a desired state. People do it though. And it doesn't necessarily cause the downfall of the marriage.
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This has been discussed by the vets and agreed upon yet it goes against what the DB mods will tolerate.
I'm sure you mean a certain group of folks and yet it doesn't represent the whole of the community over time. Certain folks here have advocated it, added pressure to it, and created a climate around this advice. And even the way you stated it demonstrates that.
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'The vets have agreed to it'
In the spirit of friendship, I'd like yo uto really visit personally how that sounds.
None of 'the vets' are professional therapists with a long-time practice, none of you have been trained by Michele. And besides a long-term marriage, that's the expert requirement for expert here.
This core group of folks is not the gold standard.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
In the spirit of friendship, I'd like yo uto really visit personally how that sounds.
None of 'the vets' are professional therapists with a long-time practice, none of you have been trained by Michele. And besides a long-term marriage, that's the expert requirement for expert here.
Then people need to go read what the other professionals who are experts in the profession say about it. That would be wise. It's not's my opinion that I advocate.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
And what we advocate here is what Michele herself has researched.
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In the spirit of friendship, I'd like yo uto really visit personally how that sounds.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Absolutely. WE advocate here what Michele has researched because she has given her life blood to it, over 30 years of extensive research and practice, it has proven to be true, and we witness it ourselves.
It's what her material and site is all about, which of course you know because you signed up for it.
More than that, her passion and commitment to marriage itself leads her to modify any materials as noted over the years--as you can see with the revision from DB to DR.
